The Fairy Tale Chronicles: Beauty
by mysteria-wilson
Summary: A different telling of the Classic Fairy Tale, Beauty and the Beast. Cursed by an Evil Warlock to an inevitable death, He wasn't looking for love. In the end, love was his salvation.
1. Jem's Backstory

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare and the plot is a combination of my own and the author of the original fairy tale.

**Chapter One – Jem's Backstory**

I lost both my parents when I was young, just at different times. My mother was a cop, responsible for cracking down on gang violence. Because of her, the streets of Shanghai were safe once more. But there was one gang that defied all the rules and used magic to escape police custody on more than one occasion.

No one on the police force could understand how this gang moved in the shadows and went unseen by their customers. But eventually one of the lower ranking members made a mistake and my mother was able to arrest him. After three days, he finally gave up their location and rolled over on his boss.

My mother formed a special task force and went after the entire gang, getting everyone except the leader. She was content with waiting until they resurfaced. That is, until they murdered my father while he was in London on business. My mother was devastated and didn't leave our home for days. I did my best to care for her but without my father; she was losing her will to go on.

On the fifth day, a woman, Mrs. Black came round to tend to her. Right away I knew something wasn't right. She kept lingering near my mother's window like she was waiting for someone. I left to go get my mother some water when I was attacked by the gang leader, a woman named Yan Lou. We were dragged into the living room and handcuffed to chairs. Yan Lou was sadistic; poisoning my body with a substance Mrs. Black created using the blood of her sister. I became delirious and hallucinating. My mother begged me to hold on and to fight against the poison but I was too weak.

The last thing I remembered before hearing the shot was my mother calling to me, using my birth name, Jian. I was left for dead but I was discovered by my mother's partner. He became worried when no one was answering the phone and she had yet to return to work. I was taken to the hospital where the doctors ran every test. They couldn't identify the poison but had seen it before. Despite an experimental drug, using a synthetic strand of the drug combined with others, no one had survived. The drug would only prolong the inevitable.

So I headed to London to deal with my father's affairs, waiting for the end.


	2. Tessa's Brother

**AN: I wanted to point out that while I am using characters from the Infernal Devices, the timeline of this story is present day (2014) and not the late 1800's as the books are written. I didn't want to call this a modern telling, focusing moreso on the uniqueness of it all.**

**Chapter Two – Tessa's Brother**

I couldn't believe my luck tonight. Finally the wheel of fortune was spinning in my favor. I was gambling with money that wasn't exactly mine in de Quincey's casino. I knew that Tessa thought I was a fool for returning here but when I returned home with the money we needed for rent, utilities and food, she would let it go.

"One last bet." I told myself. I was up 1500 pounds and knew I could double it with my next bet. I placed it all on 34 red and leaned back in my chair, waiting for my number to be called.

"15 black."

My drink spewed out of my mouth and I fell to the floor. I didn't even have time to clean myself up before I was snatched up by de Quincey's thugs. I was dragged through the living room of his home that served as his casino and thrown into his office. Alexei de Quincey was a man to be feared. His skin had the bluish paleness of hardened ice and his not quite shoulder length white hair grazed the collar of his crisp red shirt. He resembled a vampire from a moment of history long since passed.

"Nathaniel Gray." He spoke in his Slavic accent, not looking up from his book.

"How long have you been a guest in my home? A partaker of my wine and entertainment?"

"Almost a year de Quincey." I mumbled as I got to my feet.

He nodded and looked at me with his piercing dark eyes. "And in that time you have lost more money than any of my customers. Would you like to know how much of it you have paid back?"

"I know I haven't been flushed in money but I assure you de Quincey, I will pay you back every dime I owe. You know that I am good for it."

He slammed the book close harshly and shouted that he didn't know me. "You owe me 8, 000 pounds! I have yet to see even a fraction of that."

de Quincey leaned back in his chair and smoothed his tie down, regaining his composure. "I am calling your debt. Because you have loss so much money here, I will be lenient. You have two days to pay off every single pound that you owe me."

"Two days," I sputtered. "de Quincey please be reasonable. How can you expect me to come up with all that in such a short amount of time?"

"Well you better figure something out. And don't think about leaving town. If I have to chase you, I'll gladly take my debt out of your sister." He snapped his fingers and once more I was being dragged out. This time his thugs threw me into the alley causing me to crash into the trash bins. I got to my feet and shook my coat free of the debris, grabbing a fag from my pocket.

I knew there was no way I could come up with the money I would need in two days. And de Quincey was crazy enough to go after Tessa just to make sure I complied. No I would have to find my Aunt's and Mother's old jewelry pieces. I knew they were worth something. Maybe not 8,000 pounds but I was certain I could use what I got to put a sizable dent in my debt. I just had no idea how I was going to explain it to Tessa. She was the only one who knew where the jewelry was and no matter how bad things were, she still refused to sell them.

As soon as I walked into our building, I could smell the stench of cabbage soup wafting through the air. I climbed the steps, trying to draw it out as much as possible. Tessa would know something was up the second she saw my face. but if I could convince her we had no other option then maybe she would give me the jewelry.

Tacked onto the door was a bright pink slip, stating our rent was late for the third month in a row and a letter from the owner of the building. I snatched the rent notice and crumpled it up before reading the notice. The owner, the Castairs Group, was revamping the neighborhood. They were buying all the tenants out so they could tear down the flats and build luxury ones in their place.

I unlocked the door and headed in. First thing I noticed was the faint glow coming from the kitchen. I felt along the wall for the light switch, clicking it a few times before realizing the power company had turned it off. "Nate? That you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Who else would it be with a key Tessa? Everything okay with you?"

"I'm cooking cabbage soup by candlelight Nate. What do you think?"

I shrugged out of my coat and threw it onto the couch and walked into the kitchen. Just like I knew, Tessa knew something was up.

"Did you pay the rent today?"

I sighed and tried to explain what happened. "Ok, I was going to pay it along with the electric bill and then pick up something for inner but then I thought, 'I could take this to de Quincey's and flip it.' And I was winning. At one point Tessa, I was up 1500 and I thought I could double it."

Tessa threw her hands up and walked away. "I gave you 2,000 to pay all the bills so you're telling me you betted the money you were supposed to use to keep the roof over our head and lost it along with an additional 3,000. One of these days, you're gonna walk into de Quincey's place and he is going to shoot you on the spot. What were you even thinking getting in debt to a guy like him?"

"Tessa, you don't understand. I know I screw up but I was trying to make things better for us; so we don't have to eat cabbage soup every night. I want to give you a better apartment, one that's not over a deli and smells of cabbage and salami. I know that don't want to work all these jobs just too barely live. That's why I was hoping you would let me sell Ma's and Aunt's jewelry so I can pay off de Quincey."

Tessa came forward and slapped me across the cheek, scoffing. "She gave me those to keep you from selling them. Auntie made you promise to take care of me! It's not supposed to be the other way around! Just figure something out Nate or I will sell them to get away from you." She cried, grabbing her coat and running out the door.


	3. Nate's Proposition

**AN: The letters are the property of the original owners and only used for the purpose of the story. I do not claim to own them.**

**Chapter Three – The Proposition**

It was three years later and I was still alive. I took over my father's business as a property manager. When I went over the paperwork, I saw he had just acquired a block of flats in a seedy neighborhood. At the time of his death, he was in the process of fixing them up and flipping them as the neighborhood was cleaned up.

I put his ambitions on hold and spent that time acquiring a bookstore, a free clinic and three bars. I sent out notices to all the building managers of the flats so the renters had plenty of warning to find another place to live.

"Jem, there's a Nathaniel Gray here to see you. He says he's here about a letter you sent." Charlotte Branwell, my personal assistant announced.

In walked a man I'd seen sniffing after de Quincey and his men from time to time. I choose not to associate with him despite the many offers he sent my way. I knew that de Quincey had his hand in all things illegal from the drug trade to prostitution. The cops never had enough proof to go after him so he truly believed he was free to continue to pick on men with troubles like Nathaniel Gray.

"What can I help you with, Mr. Gray is it?"

He waves the letter and a pink slip in front of my face before sitting in the seat across from my desk. "I got the letter and this notice. I'm sure you know where I live and lately I've ran into some monetary problems."

My business partner, Will Herondale, snorted. We met through Charlotte when I arrived after my stint in the hospital. I needed someone who knew the town and kept their ears to the ground. Will was perfect. He blended in with the seedy underground perfectly and had a silver tongue.

"According to my sources, you're in debt to Alexei de Quincey for a serious amount and now you can't pay your rent."

"I need some time to get some things together," he explained. "I can't afford to pay off the rent, de Quincey and find a new place without a high paying job. My sister and I, we don't have anything of value. She works two jobs to make ends meet. You actually own the bookstore and the hospital Tessa works at. So you technically pay her. "He chuckled uncomfortably.

"She works two jobs, brings home the bacon and you gamble it all away." Will sneered.

I held up my hand and asked him why he was there. I considered every second of my life precious as I never knew when it would be over and hated when people wasted my time dancing around difficult subjects. He listened to Nate's proposition, appalled and disgusted that someone would be so willing to offer up their sister just to settle debt.

I got up from my desk and leaned forward, feeling myself shake. Will placed his hand on my shoulder and looked into my face. I shook my head slightly but it didn't go unnoticed by Nate. "If you're feeling under the weather, Tessa makes a great nurse. She's taken care of me more times than I can count."

"You mean when you've come home beaten and bloodied at the hands of de Quincey and his thugs." Will murmured.

"Mr. Gray, I want you to listen to me. You will find some way to pay your rent that is owed to me. After that I never want you to darken my doorstep again. Am I clear?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice even.

Although Nate was older than me, he cowered in my presence. He nodded and swiftly left my office, Will showing him the way out. I grabbed the box of medicine and a clean needle, rolling up my sleeves to expose my veins before injecting myself with my daily dose. It burned as it flowed through my veins but it was keeping me alive so I laid back and endured the pain, placing everything back in my desk drawer just as Will returned.

"I had no idea things was that bad for people to result to selling their family members just to make ends meet."

I shook my head and grabbed my cane and pea coat. "That was more than a means to an end. It was a way to get out of paying a debt. I suppose I should do something before he goes off to make a deal with de Quincey."

Will shook his head and told me not to get in the middle of this but I couldn't help it. It was in my nature to be curious.

"Well tonight I've got a poker game with six fingered Nigel. Maybe I'll finally beat that little midget."

I grinned at my oldest friend and told him, "Ave atque vale," Latin for Hail and farewell. Will hated that I said it every night and like always he countered, "Shut up with that, you'll outlive us all." But he gave me a hug anyways and the sad smile that I wanted to avoid.

Will walked out with me, him going left and me going right. I often wandered around London in the evening, embracing the city with fresh eyes. Sometimes I ended up in a new part I never ventured into before but most nights I was at Blackfriars' bridge. Many people looked at the bridge and saw it as a hideous monstrosity. But I came there to admire the view, the solitude and the look of the river, silent under the moon. And yet my feet lead me away from the turn for the bridge, continuing straight until I reached the bookstore I acquired.

I visited all of my properties but this one I visited the most. There was some so tranquil and peaceful about the simplicity of a bookstore in a technology driven world. I envied people who could get lost in books and create new worlds for themselves. Someplace where they felt safe and no of their problems followed. I pushed open the door and shook my coat, allowing the warmth of the establishment to flow through me. The clerk behind the counter, George Penhallow, looked up from the books in his hand to greet me with a smile. I nodded and walked through the store casually observing everything. Near the back of the romance section was a young woman I'd seen in here before.

"This must be Nate's sister." I thought to myself. She was something. She was beautiful in a classic way unlike many of the women I saw in this day and time. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail and her eyes were pouring over a thick tome. I leaned forward as not to distract her from her emergence in what I learned was _"Love Letters of Great Men."_

"Is that a good read?" I asked, startling her.

"You know it's considered rude and just bad form to spy on someone in a moment of privacy." She snapped, not looking up from her book.

"I didn't mean to be either; it's just I couldn't help but to notice how engrossed you were in that book that I wondered if you would recommend it to someone like me."

That finally got her attention and she finally looked up at me with steely gray-blue eyes. "Well, it depends. What do you think of romance?"

Taken aback, I took a seat in the overstuffed arm chair and mulled it over. "I think Romance is something many people confuse with lust and desire."

I could tell she was impressed with my answer but she kept the resolute look on her face. "And I think that romance no longer exist in our world. People today prefer shorthand and quick messages to odes and ballads that truly expressed the desires contained within one's heart."

She went on to explain that the book was set up chronologically and featured letters and bios of men from history including Ovid, Voltaire, Napoleon, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Kafka and Woodrow Wilson.

"This book takes me to a time before phones and email. A moment when not only time but great distance kept them separated from their loves and the only thing they had to offer comfort were their words. When you read the letter and the bio, you gain a better understanding of these men. You realize what made them strong and vulnerable; what warmed their hearts and floated in their dreams—the women that they loved."

She took the seat across from me and flipped open the book to a letter from Napoleon to his Josephine.

"_I awake consumed with thoughts of you..."_

Then Beethoven.

"_Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved..."_

I smiled and asked her to read her favorite. Tessa explained that her favorite didn't end with a happy ending.

"On July the 14th, 1861, a week before he died in battle, Major Sullivan Ballou wrote to his wife Sarah. I won't read the whole thing, just my favorite parts. He begins with telling her that he and his men are moving to a new location and in the event he died, he wanted her to have his letter to bring her comfort when she missed him. As he goes on, you can tell that Ballou was at peace with the thought of dying in battle. He says, _'If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter.'_

' …_Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield. The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long…I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar - that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name…But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night - amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.'"_

I waited for her to regain her composure as the letter brought tears to her eyes. I understood Major Ballou. He, just like me, knew that his death was near and wanted those he was leaving behind to know that he loved them deeply and he would watch over them until they met again on the other side. I thanked Tessa for sharing the letter with me and walked away, leaving her dumbfound.

On my walk back to my second home, I thought more of the letter and Tessa. She mentioned her desire to have someone write her a letter like that. A letter that was full of passion and love. One she could read in the midst of her sorrow and be comforted by the words that her loved one left behind. And as much as I tried not to think about it, one day I would die. And like the Major, I would welcome death like an old friend. But what of those I was leaving behind? They would understand my death but they would also mourn the loss of their friend and have no comfort to their memories.

As soon as I walked into the terrace house, I decided I would write letters for Charlotte and Will, something for them to cling to and offer them peace when I am no longer of this earth.

"Where were you? I went looking for you at the bridge and when I didn't find you, I thought…" Charlotte started bravely but trailed off, not wanting to complete the statement.

I assured her I was fine and told her of my experience at the bookstore. How I met a wonderful person who appeared to see the world like I did and had a real love of books and the words written in them.

"Well it's nice to see a smile on your face finally. I was beginning to think you couldn't." she winked before heading home for the night. I left the hallway and headed into my office, bringing out my father's old typewriter. I settled in and began two of the most important letters I knew I would write.

"_Dear Friend,_

_If you are reading this, then I am no longer with you. I don't want you to mourn me but celebrate the life I lived and know it was made that much better by your presence."_

**AN: I will admit I tear up a little bit when I read the entirety of Major Ballou's letter. The love that he had for his wife and sons is a love I wish was more of in the world.**


	4. Do It For Tessa

**AN: In this chapter I wanted to really showcase Tessa's love of books and the beginning of Jem falling for her.**

**Chapter Four – Do It for Her**

It had been a week since I learned Nate loss all our money. I avoided being at home at all cost, spending my time at the hospital and in the bookstore. I actually looked forward to my shift at the bookstore. I'd finally met someone who enjoyed books as much as I did. I hadn't learned his name but every night since then, he came in and spent three hours chatting with me about the different books I was enjoying.

After we discussed _Love Letters of Great Men, _we bonded over romantic literature like _Anna Karenina _and _Wuthering Heights. _He shared with me his favorite, _Pride and Prejudice._

"It's a classic story that is loved by many. It's a witty comedy about two people who couldn't be more opposite. _"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."_

And then we debated classic literature like The Great Gatsby, in which we deliberated heavily. I believed the moral of the story was 'the wanting of something is better than actually having it' while he believed it was a story about 'remaining hopeful and steadfast in the face of insurmountable odds.'

"Gatsby hoped against hope that he and Daisy could recapture the love they once had and continue to live the life he created in her absence." He explained.

"I agree that it is a story about hope. After the war he devoted himself blindly to the pursuit of wealth by any means – in the _hopes_ of winning her heart," I flipped through the book in search of the example I remembered. When I found it, I recited it aloud. _"Her voice is full of money." _That was his mistake right there. Gatsby should have known that Daisy didn't need the material things to be happy. She'd been surrounded by it all her life. He should have let her go after she left the party and just lived out his days with Nick Carraway. He was his only true friend and he cherished the friendship he brought into his life.

Once we agreed to disagree, we moved on to _The Picture of Dorian Gray. _We both established that it wasn't a novel but a guide for how to live a purely decadent life with an excessive amount of egotistical vanity; showcasing the glory and pitfalls of being so caught up in being the best looking guy.

He shocked me when he stated his found peace in reading Thoreau's _Walden._

"I understand Thoreau was trying to convey the adage _'Stop and smell the roses." _But spending that much time away from society and in solitude can drive a person insane. And what was with the whole two thing; spending exactly two years, two months and two days holed up in a cabin writing a book about how the seasons changed around you."

He chuckled and offered a deeper perspective. "Remember what you said when we first met, about love letters? How people in today's day and age don't appreciate the written word anymore or have an actual love for the words. It was the same with Thoreau. He saw that people weren't appreciating nature as the world shaped into a modern society. He believed that spending his time in Walden would offer an escape from society and give him a more objective point of view."

I blushed and asked his thoughts on a more serious novel, Atlas Shrugged.

"I found it a bit long but enjoyable. And the messages contained within it seem to stand true in recent years."

I nodded. "The simple concept that the world can fall apart when people stop seeking their own satisfaction through hard work and chose to take glee in the work of others. _"the most depraved type of human being is the man without a plan."_

Friday night when I returned home, I was looking forward to my next discussion with my frequent literature bookworm. But when I got to my flat, I discovered a serious surprise. I felt something was wrong. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the front door of our apartment was kicked in and there was a trail of blood droplets leading from our apartment to the back entrance. I followed the trail outside and around the corner into the alley. Nate and two men I'd never seen before were there, behind the dumpster. One of the men was holding Nate against the wall while the other was saying something about money Nate owed to someone named de Quincey.

"de Quincey gave you two days to pay back the 8,000 pounds you owed. Now you gave him your word that you would return with the money. It's been a week, 5 more days than you were allocated." The taller man said in a strange accented voice.

The man holding Nate swiftly punched him in his stomach. Nate spewed forward, coughing up blood violently. He sucker punched him in the jaw a couple more times before I had to intervene. I called out for them to stop but was pushed back into the arms of the taller man. He wrapped his arm around my neck and quickly revealed a switchblade.

"This must be your lovely sister Tessa. de Quincey has been most interested in meeting you. If your brother here can't pay his debt, you'll become his."

Nate struggled and attempted to fight against his captor but was met with another punch to the face. I stepped on my hijacker's foot and bit down on his hand. He yowled out in pain and threw me into the dumpster. I felt my vision blur as things slowly went dark.

"Tessa!" I heard myself shout. She didn't appear to be breathing and blood was slowly dripping down her face.

Just as I saw no way out, a shadow darkened Louis' form and he was yanked back into the wall with serious strength. Marcel took his gaze off of me, searching the shadows for the source. I saw a flash of movement and someone hovering over Tessa. The stranger gathered her into his arms and ran off with her.

Marcel turned his attention back to me and pulled out a gun hidden in his belt. "So you think you can hire some muscles or something to help you out of your debt. You owe de Quincey money and if you can't pay it then," he cocked the gun. I rushed him and twisted his arm, wrangling the gun and poked it in his stomach. A second later, the gun went off and Marcel slumped off me and back onto the ground.

I backed up and ran into the stranger from earlier. He took in the scene just as Louis was coming to. He looked down at Marcel and then to the gun in my hand.

"de Quincey will hear about this Gray and then we'll be back for your sister. This is far from over. There's no place that you can hide in London that de Quincey won't find you." He called out before running off.

I cocked the gun and started to run after him but was thrown against the wall and a flash of silver was unsheathed from a cane. I recognized the jade eyed dragon and knew who the mystery man was.

"You need to let me go. That guy, he works for de Quincey and they won't stop until I'm dead and he has Tessa." I pleaded, picking up on Mr. Carstair's trembling and shortness of breath.

I asked him if he was okay and he waved off my concern, pushing the blade harder against my Adam's apple. "Earlier today, you offered me your sister in exchange for clearing your debt. I will accept your offer now."

Hearing how sick it sounded coming out of someone else's mouth I realized just how wrong I was to offer her in the first place. I was offering up my flesh and blood to some stranger just to get out of paying back rent. For all I knew he would throw her into a hole and try to make a suit out of her skin. Mr. Carstair's ushered me out of the alley and back into my flat. Tessa was laid out on the couch, a cloth on her head. I locked up and closed the curtains as Mr. Carstairs sat next to Tessa's still form, lovingly stroking her face. He wiped away the bit of blood staining her forehead while he spoke to me.

"Look it isn't safe here for you or your sister any longer. That guy was right, there is nowhere in London that you can hide from de Quincey. He has the money and the means, not to mention a lot of friends in high places. I can keep your sister safe; I'll protect her from de Quincey while you're working overseas. You can work off your debt to me and de Quincey."

I shook my head. It all sounded too good to be true. My aunt always said _"If something sounds too good to be true, then chances are the devil is tempting you."_

But I had to protect Tessa. I may not know whether she would be safe with Mr. Carstairs but I knew that if de Quincey got his hands on her, she would be subjected to horrors I dare not think of.

"Fine, I accept your deal. But I want assurance that she will be okay and I want to be able to speak to her. And she can't know that I made this deal to get out of my debt. What will you tell her?"

"I won't lie to her." He sated softly, never taking his eyes from her face.

"Ok, when she wakes up I'll tell her de Quincey attacked her when she was coming him from work. You're going to keep her safe while I'm working overseas." I decided.

Mr. Carstairs nodded and grabbed his cane. "Bring her by this address tomorrow morning. Charlotte will get her set up and look after her; she'll keep you informed of Tessa's well-being. I trust her with my life and she has yet to fail me." He handed me a card with his personal address and phone number on it.

As he was preparing to walk out the door, I needed to know one more thing.

"Why are you doing this? I mean what are you getting out of this?"

He slowly turned and glanced at me over his shoulder. "I know what it's like to have someone threaten your family and feel weak against their powers and abilities. When it happened to me, I lost everything because no one offered us any help until it was too late. I would hate to see Tessa get hurt because of your mistakes."


	5. Changes

**AN: A reviewer stated I should be clearer when switching POV'S. I apologize that I wasn't and will make certain I do so from here on out.**

**Chapter Five – Changes**

_***Tessa***_

While I slept, I dreamt of a blurry faced stranger, carrying me in his arms and whispering my name. He sounded so far away but familiar. When I woke, I expected to see the stranger above me as my dream of him felt so vivid and alive I was certain it was real.

I slowly sat up, not remembering falling asleep on the couch or anything after I returned home from the hospital. Nate was asleep in a chair from the dining room, his arms crossed over his chest. I raised my hand to my head as a cloth fell into my lap. It was red with blood. I threw back the covers and ran into the bathroom. I wiped away a bit of grime from the mirror and spied a bandage that wasn't present the day before. It was soaked through with more of the copper liquid so I changed it, remembering the night before as I did.

The fight between Nate and those two thugs in the alley. They worked for de Quincey and came to collect the money Nate owed. 8,000 pounds. And then I was thrown face first into the dumpster. I dashed back into the living room and shook him awake.

"Nate! Nate, get up right now! I can't believe you lied to me again."

He grumbled a bit so I shoved him off the seat sideways. Nate went flying to the floor and shouted at me.

"What was that for?"

"The other night you told me you only lost the 2,000 pounds. But last night, those guys said you owed 8,000. So you lied to me? You lost everything we had in our savings? Every single pound?"

"Tessa you have to believe me. It wasn't on purpose. I was-" I held up my hand.

"I warned you I would leave. I told you, you needed to fix this or I would leave."

At the time I threatened to do so I had hoped it the threat alone would be enough to enough to make Nate realize his mistakes and do something to fix them. Since he hadn't I was going to leave. I stormed into my room and locked the door, grabbing my clothes and suitcases out of the closet. I didn't own a lot so all of my things easily fit into two large suitcases and a bag. I lifted the floorboard and removed the small wooden box containing the jewelry of my mother and aunt, carefully placing it atop my clothes and locking my suitcase.

I pulled on the only coat I didn't pack and tucked my clockwork pendant into my shirt as I walked back out to the living room where Nate was chatting anxiously on the phone with someone. From the harried look on his face, I figured he was talking to someone else he owed money to. Without bothering to say goodbye, I placed my suitcases down and unlocked the door just as the knob turned.

I jumped back in surprise, staring into the face of three strangers, a woman and two men. The woman introduced herself as Charlotte, the man behind her as Thomas Tanner and the young man next to her as Will.

"Am I correct in assuming you're Tessa Gray?" She asked, politely.

The one she called Will rolled his eyes and made a snarky comment about her question. "You know what people say about assuming, you make an ass of yourself."

"The expression actually goes, 'Don't assume as you will make an ass of you and me.'" I stated before answering that I was the person they were looking for.

Will opened the door wider and walked right in. When he spied my luggage, he smiled. "Oh good, you're all packed. Thomas, take her things down to the car." Will command the other man.

Thomas did as he was asked with no attitude or comment about the way he was spoken to. I went to stop him but he quickly grabbed my things and headed back out the main door.

"Never mind, I see they've arrived." Nate called out from the kitchen. He hung up the phone and properly invited Charlotte into our home. She smiled and took a seat on the couch next to Will, who already made himself comfortable.

I closed my mouth and looked over our guests. Charlotte was short and small, making her appear child-like. Her brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun at the back of her head and sparkling dark eyes. Will on the other hand was as looked as cocky as he acted. His messy black hair was styled so it appeared curly and fell into his eyes slightly reaching his long eyelashes.

His features reminded me of the character of Mr. Darcy from _Pride and Prejudice_. Deep violet-blue eyes and high cheekbones; full lips and an elegant throat. He even sat rigidly straight with his broad shoulders squared back and his arms crossed against his chest.

"Okay is someone going to tell me what is going on here?"

Charlotte looked expectantly at Nate who cried out that I only woke a half an hour ago. "I was going to but then she started packing her things and then Mr. Carstairs called and well you know the rest."

"Fine, I'll do it," Will called out, uncrossing his arms. "You brother got himself caught up with de Quincey and they are going to be looking for him and by extension, you. My friend and I will be looking after you along with Charlotte until such a time where that guy is but a small blip on de Quincey's radar. Got it?" He explained casually.

I took a seat and processed what I was told. Because of Nate's mistakes and addictions, I could end up paying for them. It was either live on my own and possibly end up dead or worse; or go with three people I never met and be safe.

"I can't believe this is what my life has come to," I turned to face my brother who was cowering at the table. "You need to get help Nate. Some serious professional help."

"You're telling me; he was trying to see you to Jem as if you were a piece of meat." Will chuckled, receiving a slap on the arm from Charlotte. I wanted to shake my head and shout, 'No Nate wouldn't do that.' But as I had learned I didn't know my brother at all. So it was quite possible that he had tried to sell me to some stranger.

"Tessa, it's not how it sounds. I was hoping he would take you on as a maid or something like that. Then I would know that you were safe and I could focus on paying off de Quincey."

I shook my head, not wanting to hear anymore. "Nate I am going to go with these people who you've basically sold me off to, only because I have no other choice. I don't want to hear from you. Don't call me or write me. Forget you even have a sister. As far as you know you are an orphan, alone in this world with nothing and no one."

He grabbed my hand and pleaded with me, trying to state this was his way of honoring Aunt Harriett's final wishes. I slapped him harder than I had the last time, so tired of hearing his lies. I fought against my tears but they came anyway.

"I don't want to hear any more lies about how you did it all for me. So we could have a better life," I said gesturing between myself and him. "You did it for you Nate. You're so selfish. You always have been and this is no different. I don't know why I thought that would change when Aunt Harriet died."

I quickly turned around and headed towards the door as Charlotte told Nate that I would be kept safe. I waited out in the hall, trying my hardest to stop the tears. I hated crying in front of people I didn't know. It made them form opinions about me that certainly weren't true.

When Charlotte and Will came into the hall, I followed them to the Lincoln Town Car. Thomas was there, waiting for us. He opened the door as we approached and Charlotte allowed me to slide in first. Will took the other front seat and Charlotte got in after me.

As we drove through the neighborhood, I asked about the place I would be forced to call home.

"Do you all live there as well?"

Charlotte explained she didn't; that she lived elsewhere with her husband, Henry and her son, Charles. Will had a room in the house but rarely used it while Thomas shared a flat with his brother down the street.

I sat back and asked who my brother's mysterious benefactor was. Will stated I would formally meet him later as he was attending to business at the moment. I caught that he said "formally meet", meaning I had met him at least once before. I mentally ran though the list but none of the people on it would help Nate as they were all aware of his gambling addiction.

When the car finally stopped, I quickly tried the handle but the door remained locked until Thomas opened it from the outside. I stepped out; surprised we were parked in front of a row of Victorian Style Terrace Homes.

"So Nate's benefactor was someone with money." I thought, shocked.

Thomas grabbed my bags and led the way, Charlotte and Will following him. I slowly followed after them, bring up the rear. The walls were devoid of family photos, only artwork. To the left of the entryway were his office and the right a formal parlor. The Persian carpet ran from the door to the spiral staircase. The kitchen was beyond that along with the door leading to the backyard.

Will departed from us and walked into the office, closing the door with a wink as he left while Thomas looked to Charlotte for instructions.

"You can put her things in the room at the top of the stairs and to the left. Tessa come along and I'll show you around."

As Charlotte showed me around, I wanted to know who would put themselves on the line for Nate and me. I tried to get information out of Charlotte but she didn't offer much.

"He's a property manager for several businesses. He came from Shanghai to take over his father's business after he passed. He's an only child and is very generous." She stated as she opened the door to my room.

It was simple but a lot nicer than my actual room at the old flat. Here I had a real mattress with sheets and comfortable blanket rather a cot and an itchy blanket. Along with the bed were a night table and lamp, dresser and mirror and a large closet.

"You can unpack and then come down to the kitchen." She said, allowing a moment of privacy.

I fell back on my bed, allowing the gentle ticking of my clockwork angel to ease me. But I couldn't find solace like I used to when things were back. Here I was in the house of some stranger, who I didn't know what they wanted with me and so far had shown me such kindness. It all appeared to be too good to be true.

Since I couldn't relax I unpacked my things, finding a hiding spot for the jewelry box in the back of the closet under extra blankets. I re-tucked my pendant into my shirt and headed back down to the kitchen.

Charlotte was there with another woman, the cook apparently. She had just placed a platter of jam tarts on the counter along with a tea tray. Charlotte was preparing her tea while Will was leaning against the counter. As I came closer, Will nudged Charlotte and pointed my way.

"I hope you've found the room comfortable." Charlotte smiled softly.

"It is but I still don't understand this. People don't help out strangers and no one helps out gambling addicts. Any man with a vice or an addiction is weak. And this mysterious 'benefactor' is just an enabler for Nate." I called out as I turned to leave, bumping into the benefactor.

As I looked up into his face, I felt ashamed. Nate's benefactor was my literature bookworm.


	6. Tessa's Trust Issues

**Chapter Six – Tessa's Trust Issues**

_***Jem***_

As soon as I walked into house, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. When Nate didn't show up this morning with Tessa, I became very nervous. I wanted to cancel my morning meetings with the developers and head over myself but Charlotte convinced me to leave it in her hands.

I called Nate before heading into my meeting to inform him my associates would be there to collect Tessa. I knew Tessa had a bit of a temper but I didn't expect her to have such a negative outlook towards people. Or people who were beasts because of their addictions.

"It is but I still don't understand this. People don't help out strangers and no one helps out gambling addicts. Any man with a vice or an addiction is weak. And this mysterious 'benefactor' is just an enabler for Nate." Tessa called out as I walked in. She bumped right into my chest and blushed a deep shade of red.

"You? You're Nate's benefactor? But you can't be. You're the guy from the bookstore."

I nodded and formally introduced myself to her. I offered my hand but she chose not to shake it, keeping her arms wrapped around herself.

"The bookworm chick is the sister? Why didn't you say anything?" Will called out, finding humor in an awkward situation.

"Can we talk in private please? I'm not sure what you've been told and I would like to explain my part in all this." I asked of her.

Tessa nodded and left the kitchen, heading straight for my office. I asked Charlotte how the move went and if there were any problems.

"She's upset with her brother but that was to be expected. So far she hasn't really said anything."

"Except that she thinks people like you and her brother are weak. Does she know?" Will asked before grabbing another jam tart.

"She doesn't even know my name. We only discussed books."

"Well you better get in there and talk to her. She has a lot of displaced anger right now."

I nodded and left my friends, shedding my coat by the door. I grabbed my cane and walked into the office, clearing my throat as I did. Tessa was casually looking around, not being nosy but curious about her surroundings.

"This is my office. I own several properties around London, one being the flat you and your brother use to live in. I sent a notice to all the tenants that in three months' time the building would be torn down," I explained, taking my seat behind the desk and gesturing to the seat across from mine. She chose to remain standing and asked how her brother and I came into contact.

"Your brother came to me with an uncomfortable proposition. He explained he was having some money problems and offered to sell you to me to erase the debt he owed. I told him no and sent him along. Then last night when I was out for my evening walk, I passed by your building like I often do on my way to the bookstore. I saw those men in the alley and saw that monster with his arms around you. I stayed in the shadows but when he pushed you…"

I felt myself getting worked up and my boy shaking. I gripped the table and waved Tessa off, her curiosity bringing her closer to me.

"It's fine, nothing to worry about." I smiled weakly.

Tessa nodded, unblinking as she asked me to continue my story. I explained what happened next. How I carried her into her place and covered her wound with a cloth before returning to the alley.

"Nate shot one of de Quincey's men as the other was coming to. He threatened you and your brother and I knew it wasn't an empty one. de Quincey is a vile man who has eluded the police for years now. If he would have gotten his hands on you…" my shaking worsens and my coughing turned violent.

Tessa no longer looked concern but disgusted. She backed away and mentioned something about drug withdrawals before calling for Charlotte and Will. Will entered first and shoved her out the door despite my objections.

"You can talk to her later; right now you need to take your medicine. Why didn't you take it earlier? You know when your adrenaline and stress runs high you burn off the medicine that much faster." He scolded rummaging through my desk drawers, pulling out the box.

He quickly jabbed the needle into my arm, the medicine's grip taking its hold on my body much quicker than before.

Will sat back on his heels and waiting until my shaking calmed to slight tremors. "I didn't want you to send her away. I don't want to keep this from her."

"Did you not hear what she said in that kitchen? She thinks you weak. You shouldn't tell her."

I shook my head and tried to return to my feet but found I couldn't without assistance. My body was getting weaker and I was needing more and more of the medicine just to make it through the day. I had an appointment with Doctor Enoch next week but I didn't think I could wait that long. I needed my strength and wits about me. I needed to be around to protect her.

Later that night I sent charlotte to Tessa's room, asking her if she would join me for dinner but she refused. I didn't want to be someone she feared and demanding so I left her to her solitude, hoping she would decide to join me later.

When she didn't I sent charlotte up with a tray of beef stew along with a first edition copy of _A Tale of Two Cities. _ I remembered from our talks it was a book she was interested in reading but hadn't had the opportunity to do so. I hid around the corner, watching as she gave a small smile at the sight of the book.

"She didn't send it back." I thought and remembered that every woman had a secret love, a way to their hearts. Tessa's was only books but also the written word.

_*Tessa*_

When Charlotte showed up with two bowls of beef stew, I became aware that I had yet to eat that day.

"I can leave you alone but since you didn't want to come down, I figured maybe you would like some company."

I nodded and opened the door wider, spying a copy of _A Tale of Two Cities_ on the tray next to the bowls. I gingerly picked it up and flipped through it.

"Jem remembered you liked to read. I think he has every conversation you had at the bookstore memorized." Charlotte chuckled as she sliced the fresh baked bread.

I nodded and sat on the bed, placing the book next to me. "I didn't mean to be so rude earlier. It's just my parents died when I was small and then when Nate and I lost our Aunt, he was the only family I had. We packed everything up and moved into that flat. our first night there Nate told me that we didn't have much but we had each other. And we would have to depend and trust each other. I thought that Nate would finally realize his mistakes and get his act together but now I think it was my fault."

Charlotte placed the bowl in my hands and asked me to explain. I sipped a couple of spoonfuls, trying not to show just how hungry I truly was. But when I dipped the bread into the soup and the delectable taste hit my tongue, I began humming.

"You haven't had a good meal in some time have you?" Charlotte asked her eyes soft. Despite her small child like stature, I could feel her maternal nature coming off her in waves.

"My husband Henry does the same thing when he eats dinner after having skipped a meal. He can be a bit absent minded when he's working."

"What does he do?"

"he works on machinery. You could say he was repair man of sorts, although he would claim he's an inventor. He has a small lab in the basement of our home and he can spend several hours down there, forgetting to eat lunch and dinner sometimes. When I got to collect him and he takes his first bite, he hums."

I smiled shyly. I didn't want these strangers to know how bad things were. But how would Nate and I get help if people didn't know the truth.

So I told it to Charlotte. How my aunt and I protected Nate and paid off his debts when he came home beaten and bloodied.

"I got the job at the hospital and the bookstore o he could focus on getting some help. He told me he was going to meetings and was looking into a rehab program. And since I didn't have any creditors knocking on the doors or people threatening, I believed it. then he started disappearing and things around the house went missing. I knew he was gambling again but I told myself it wasn't that bad. I kept lying to myself because he was my family and I wanted to believe him. in the past when people offered him help it was usually his creditors or their associates.

"So when you showed up, I figured it was just more of the same." I explained, finishing off my soup and bread. Without hesitation, Charlotte offered me the other bowl and the rest of the bread. I wanted to tell her no I was fine but as I revealed the truth already I didn't see any point in refusing her kindness.

"You have nothing to worry about here. Jem is one of the few honorable men I know. For him to open his home to you mean he really wants to help and doesn't expect anything in return. There is nothing for you to fear here. Anything you want can be yours and he will give it to you."

I thanked Charlotte for her kindness and told her I would be okay here. "I know you have a little boy at home that is sure to be missing his mother." I grinned when she checked her watch for the third time in four minutes.

She blushed sheepishly and went to collect the tray but I told her I would bring it down. "I needed to apologize to Mr. Carstairs for my behavior."

"Okay. If you find yourself hungry during the night, Agatha keeps leftovers on the bottom shelf of the ice box and snacks in the cupboard next to the microwave." She patted my leg and headed back out.

_*Jem*_

I waited in kitchen entryway for Charlotte to return. When she did, her hands were empty.

"So she sate the soup?" I called out, frightening the small woman. She clutched her chest and nodded, catching her breath.

"That girl," she pointed upstairs. "She is a tough one. it was so much worse than we thought Jem. Her brother wasn't working, selling their things to gamble. Creditors have come looking for him on more than one occasion. And she blames herself for it all. She needs some space a bit of time to process this drastic change. Give her time." She instructed as she slipped on her coat.

"Give her time and space." I repeated. I wasn't a patient person but for Tessa, I would wait until she came to me.

Fortunately I didn't have to wait for very long. An half an hour after Charlotte left, I heard her softly padding down the stairs. The spoons clanked against the bowl as she walked towards the kitchen. I followed after her, watching as she washed up the dishes and placed everything away before walking to the cupboard where Agatha left the fattening snacks I enjoyed.

"Are you planning on staring at me from afar or are you going to join me?" she called out, teasing clear and apparent in her voice.

I pushed off from the shadows I clung to and emerged in the light as she took in my appearance. When I visited her at the bookstore, I always kept my coat on and a hat on my head so she never truly saw me.

"I want you to know that I am sorry for how I acted earlier. Not many people would risk their lives and open their homes to a stranger. But I still don't trust you."

"That's fine. I can accept that but know that I will win you over." I told her as I grabbed the pound cake and some butter pecan ice cream from the ice box. I cut a generous slice and added to a clean bowl before smothering half of it with ice cream. I slid the bowl across the island counter to Tessa and fixed a bowl for myself.

"I can tell there is something that is bothering you, a question you are desperate to ask me. please, don't feel like you need to hold anything back."

Tessa scooped a big piece of cake into the ice cream, avoiding my eyes for a second before asking, "Why did you agree to help Nate? Why risk your neck as well as your reputation for some low life that you don't know?"

"Your brother isn't a low life. He cares for you very much. I think he knew that he screwed up and believed you would be safer here than on the run with de Quincey's men after him. Nathaniel cares for you very much Tessa but he first needs to learn how to care for himself. But do understand and believe that your brother truly does love you."

She didn't say anything else, focusing on her bowl of sweets but I knew I had cracked her tough exterior just slightly.

I opened my mouth to ask her about the book when the front door slammed closed, rattling the windows and a drunken Will shouting, "James Carstairs! Where are you, you love-sick bastard? I finally beat that sneaky six fingered wanker."

I turned to apologize to Tessa for Will's intrusion but she was already gone.


	7. Jem's Secret

**Chapter Seven – Jem's Secret**

_***Tessa***_

I had been a guest as Will referred to me in Mr. Carstair's place for three weeks. For my safely I wasn't allowed to go anywhere unaccompanied. He would have preferred if I didn't leave his home but didn't argue when I told him I wasn't going to give up my job. That night when I arrived at the bookstore, I learned why.

Will and Thomas were sitting near the back of the store. Will had a smug grin on his face while Thomas remained his stoic self.

"You are determined to work and Jem's determined to keep you safe. So where you go, we go." He crossed his arms and settled into the chair.

I tested their ability to follow me a few times by hiding out in the woman's lavatory but Will followed me in, not shy about it at all. He found it amazing that our bathrooms were so much cleaner than the ones reserved for men. I thought I could lose them at the clinic but I was assigned desk duty, not to move from the check in area save for emergencies.

When I wasn't working, I explored the rooms that made up my new home. Outside of the formal parlor and the office, the kitchen and half bath were located on the first floor along with Will's bedroom. His was a bit messy, his bed sheets and blankets spilling off the mattress and onto the floor. His desk was covered with papers and books he bought at the store and packs of playing cards.

The second floor contained four rooms: My bedroom, two spare rooms and one whose door was always locked. It was located at the end of the hall, a good ways away from mine. I was convinced the contents of the room were some dirty secret of Mr. Carstairs when one night I finally learned the truth.

Will was off at one of his poker games, the others having left hours earlier. I was sitting in my room, reading a book of poetry Will actually suggested after he recited some of his own. I wasn't quite sure if he made it terrible on purpose or wasn't aware how it sounded but when I suggested he find some inspiration in the works of others, he went off in search of some. When he returned, book in hand, I was surprised it was Robert Frost.

I had just finished a mug of hot chocolate and was settling in when I heard a high and haunting melody floating through the halls. I threw the covers back and slipped into my house slippers, grabbing my ratted dressing robe along the way. I crept along the wall uncertain why, allowing the music to lead me.

When I found the source I was shy about opening the door. It had been locked for a reason and I didn't want to do anything to upset Mr. Carstairs. Deciding since I'd come this far I mind as well see it through, I opened the door as quietly as possible and slipped in.

The only source of light came from the window, showering Mr. Carstairs in a pale ghostly glow. A violin was propped against his shoulder, his cheek resting against it as the bow moved back and forth in such a fluid manner. The music that flowed was so stunning and magical, I felt myself swaying and letting it surround me.

Just as quickly as the melody started, it ended. My eyes flew open and I was met with his smiling face. I felt embarrassed as I had intruded on what was clearly a private moment. He was clearly dressed for bed, in loose-fitting pajama pants, a simple white t-shirt and his black silk dressing robe.

I scrambled to my feet, the embarrassment written clearly on my face. "I'm sorry Mr. Carstairs; it's just I heard the music and it sounded so beautiful that I found myself drawn to it." I turned to leave when I felt his hand on my arm.

"Tessa, its fine. I forgot you were down the hall. I'm so use to being here alone at this hour that I'm not disturbed by anyone."

I turned around to face him, the moonlight making his silver hair sparkle. "Please call me Jem – everyone else does. It feels so wrong you being so proper with me and so casual with everyone else."

"Your playing was perfect. Was that Vivaldi's Winter?"

Jem nodded and commented on my ear for music. "Not many people of our generation enjoy classical music let alone know what piece someone is playing."

I blushed and explained I thoroughly enjoyed classical music. "I developed a love for it when I started working at the bookstore. It was all that I heard while I was losing myself in various works. But that piece actually reminds me of the Robert Frost poem I was reading in my room. Do you know _'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening?'_"

"It sounds familiar. Read it to me please?" He asked as he pulled me onto the bed with him. I scooted away from a bit and opened the book, clearing my throat before beginning.

_***Jem***_

My mind and soul felt content, listening to Tessa speak of Frost's famous rhyme of a lone rider pausing at night on his journey to watch the snow fall from the trees before remembering he needs to continue on his way.

"That reminds me of a poem my father used to tell me before I went to bed every night." I murmured. It has been so long and yet not a day went past that I didn't think of them. Will often asked if I remembered them or my life back in Shanghai and I always told him I didn't.

But the truth was I did. I remembered it so well but never wanted anyone else to know about it. Until now.

Tessa sat back and waited for me recall the poem from memory. I slipped off my dressing robe and closed my eyes, speaking the words that once kept away the demons of the night.

I continued on, recalling the bravado my father used when he spoke the last line: _Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _When I was younger, I thought he was telling me to fight against sleep, the rage against the loss of the daylight. On the night before what would be his last trip to London, he explained it was about personal struggle.

_ "Always fight my son. Fight for what you believe and for love. Always rage against the dying light and do not go gentle into that good night."_

I opened my eyes to find her not looking at my face but at my arms. Her fingers crept slowly towards me as if she was waiting for me to stop her; she ran one finger lightly along the track marks that served as a reminder of my painful past.

"I've seen the way you shake and fight for oxygen when you get overly excited or stressed. I know that you're addicted to something. Why didn't you tell me?"

I placed my hand over hers and looked into her dark brown eyes. "Your first night here, I heard what you said in the kitchen about men and their addictions. I was ashamed that I had allowed mine to turn me into a man of such desperation. I told your brother and you that I would keep you safe. How could I do so if I so easily succumbed to a drug, becoming a weak shell of myself?"

"How did your addiction start?" She asked.

It was a story Charlotte and Will were familiar with but others were not. It wasn't one you tell in everyday conversation. I only told Charlotte and Will out of necessity but here I was, openly baring my soul and revealing the darkness of my past.

Tessa listened patiently, fighting hard to keep her tears from falling. "So I have to take it or allow my body to fail me and die. And before you ask, no there is no cure for it. I've been to the best doctors and seen all kinds of specialists. They all said the same thing. The drug is the only thing keeping me alive."

I didn't tell her I would die as a result of taking the drug. She didn't need to know that one day in the not so distant future I wouldn't be here when she returned from work one evening. I waited, giving her time to process it all and respond.

"It should not be about how I see you but about how you view yourself. You see yourself as someone who is weak, as a beast because of things out of your control. You are giving your addiction power over yourself rather than fighting against it. You've forgotten your father's words. He wanted his son, his only child to always rage and fight. You've given up and accepted death as an inevitable. He said do not go gentle into that good night and that is what you are doing Jem."

I was shocked. Charlotte had warned me that Tessa had a tough side but I had yet to see it. Now I had. I saw the fire burning within her eyes and heard the fierceness of her word as they sliced away bits of me until I was left bare in front of her. I leaned forward a bit preparing to kiss her when my body betrayed me and I fell off the bed in a fit of violent coughing.

Tessa quickly ran to my side, the fear apparent in her eyes but not reaching her voice. She spoke to me in a clear voice demanding I tell her where my medicine was. I spoke in a raspy voice as the copper liquid spilled over my lips. She wiped it away on her dressing robe and ran to the grab the silver box from my bed side table. She had just loaded the needle when Will unceremoniously threw open the door of my room.

"James!" He shouted, snapping into action. He tore the needle from Tessa's grasp and shoved her out the door despite my gurgling objections. The look on her face was one I wouldn't soon forget.

"You know you don't need to be getting so worked up. I told you being around her would be back for your health. You're lucky I got here when I did." Will prattled on as the drug burned it was through my veins.

He dashed across the room into my private bath and grabbed a wash rag along with a glass of water. When he returned, I felt some of my strength returning but I was still a bit weak. I got onto my bed as Will wiped away the blood and shoved the water in my hand.

I gulped down the cool liquid and pushed him away. I needed to go to Tessa. she needed to understand this wasn't her fault but Will, being stronger than me at the moment, pushed me back down onto the bed and demanded I rest. Knowing I couldn't do anything in my weakened state, I did as he said.

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I loved writing it. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is one of my favorite pieces of classical music but the Winter one is my favorite along with the poems, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" and "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas.**


	8. Tessa's Gift

**Chapter Eight – Tessa's Gift**

**_*Jem*_**

"She's already been here for two months. How much longer am I going to have to fulfill the role of babysitter?" Will asked as I went over the paperwork and calculated money.

"She needs to be protected. You know de Quincey is looking for her and her brother." I explained, not looking up. This was a discussion we had once before, the night she was attacked.

"No we don't know, because no one has seen de Quincey. It's time to let her move someplace where he won't think to look for her. You are playing with fire here and at the end of the day the only person who will get hurt is her."

I placed my pen down and looked up from my work. I knew Will was only looking out for me but I didn't need his lecture this time. I was finally making some progress with Tessa, actually getting her to open up when I succumbed to my illness once more and Will intervened. That was all it took for her to clam back up and go back to taking her meals in her room and sharing dinner with Charlotte before she left for the evening.

"I see what you are so desperately trying to hide James Carstairs. You are falling for her. And you know that you cannot have a normal and fulfilling life with her."

"You do not need to remind me of things I already know, William Owen Herondale. I know that I am cursed to live a short time and you may think my actions make no sense, but I don't want to leave this earth without having experienced the joy love can bring. So allow me this fool's errand and speak nothing of this to Tessa."

Will opened and closed his mouth but said nothing, grabbing his coat and headed out for the evening. Unable to concentrate, I cleared my desk and headed towards the kitchen. As I neared, I caught the end of a conversation between Tessa and Charlotte. Charlotte was curious as to how she was adjusting.

"I don't know really. I feel like my life here is just like my old one. I go to the bookstore and the clinic and then I come here. Only difference is now I'm accompanied everywhere I go with a smart aleck and a guy who I believe the term 'silent but deadly' was created for. At least with the bookstore I had a few fleeting moments of peace to myself. I always said when things got better for Nate and I and we got a bigger place, I would build myself a library."

"Maybe you could say something to Jem. I'm certain he won't have a problem with building one for you." Charlotte suggested.

Tessa remained quiet and I imagined her shaking her head. Charlotte patted her leg and bid her goodnight. Not wanting to get caught eavesdropping, I pushed open the door. Charlotte informed me she would be late tomorrow.

"Charles has a doctor's appointment at 9 and then a dental appointment at 11. I asked Henry but he never knows what questions to ask. And he can never remember the instructions the doctors send home."

"Charlotte its fine. Just stay home with Charles tomorrow, I'm sure you'll be exhausted after all that running around." I smiled, keeping an eye on Tessa. She was carefully avoiding my gaze, looking for a way out of the kitchen.

"Tessa, maybe you and I can share a meal tomorrow?" I asked, catching her off guard.

"Sure." She answered but still refused to look at me.

I walked Charlotte to the door, ensuring she made it to the car before returning to the house. Tessa was attempting to sneak up the stairs but stopped when I called out to her.

"Have I done something to upset or anger you Tessa?"

She slowly turned around and came back down the stairs. "No, it wasn't anything you said or did. It's just...I overhead you and Will talking. I know that he thinks me being near you is bad for your health. I don't know if that is true or not but I won't be the cause of your health deteriorating."

I shook my head. "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen," I walked up the stairs until I was standing on the one below her.

"Will is a friend who is concerned about my health just like Charlotte and like you. No one is to blame when I forget to take a dose of my medicine. I don't want you beating yourself up about this." I smiled, hoping to coax one from her.

But Tessa only shook her head and further backed away. "I'm only here because of my brother's debt to you. I am honored you think us friends but at the end of the day, I will be nothing more than a ward in your house and you my employer."

I wanted to stop her but there was nothing to say. She felt how she felt. I walked down the stairs into my office, shaking as I did. Being around Tessa did cause my body to burn the medicine at a more rapid pace than it had before; but I would accept that if it meant I could enjoy her company the way I had the other night. I walked around my office, picking up a financial book.

_"I would build myself a library."_

A library, the place she found peace and solace. I remembered how intense she looked when I saw her at the bookstore. I chalked that up to the love of a good book. But looking at her life, it was filled with chaos and madness. The bookstore offered her an escape from all of that. I wanted her to have that hear. It could be the one thing I can leave her to bring her comfort as she mourns my passing.

Despite Will's many objections, I started learning how to convert a room into a library. Eventually he came around and helped me, claiming he didn't want to find me passed out under a bookshelf.

It was a labor of love but one I needed to do for her. It took me three months but it was finally finished. If Tessa noticed anything or spoke to Charlotte about my curious behavior, I was unaware. I took all my meals in the office and kept the door locked at all times. As the December snow fell outside, I put the finishing touches on the small library I created as an extension of my office, lighting a fire in the grate. I wanted it to be perfectly cozy and remind her of the bookstore before I intruded on her life.

That night after Charlotte left, I once again caught her in an attempt to sneak back to her room without speaking to me.

"Tessa, could you follow me please? There's something I want to show you." I asked simply, holding my hand out to her.

She reluctantly nodded and allowed me to assist her down the stairs. I positioned her in front of the French doors that hid my office and asked her to close her eyes. Tessa gave me a curious look and a small smile before she did. I sighed and threw open the doors before leading her into the room, turning her so she was standing with her back to my desk and the windows.

"Jem can you tell me what is going on? Can I at least open my eyes?"

"Yes, open them." I called out, standing a ways from her.

Tessa's eyelids slowly peeled back and a soft gasp escaped her lips. She looked around at the shelves, the iron stairs I put in place so she could reach the books on the higher shelves; the fireplace and the chair she loved from the bookstore.

"Is this what you were working on for all this time?" she asked, walking along the shelves, running her fingers along the spines of the tomes.

I nodded. "I filled it with all the books that you told me you loved and ones you have yet to read."

She turned her attention back to the books but asked me why I did this for her. What my motivation was. "And please don't say me."

"While it is true I created this for you, my motivation wasn't so selfish," I explained.

"Everyone needs a place of escape; somewhere where the world falls away until only the raw beauty of the moment is left. I wanted you to have a place like that so I created this for you. I know that I intruded on your life but please believe I did it out of concern."

I sighed and grabbed her hand, looking into her gray eyes. There was something about them, about her that I couldn't tear myself away.

"Sometimes, our lives can change so fast that the change outpaces our minds and our hearts. It's those times, I think, when our lives have altered but we still long for the time before everything was altered-that is when we feel our greatest pain. I can tell you, though, from experience, you grow accustomed to it. you learn to live your new life, and you can't imagine, or even remember, how things were before."

Tessa blushed but never took her eyes off me as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss upon my lips.

"Thanks." She murmured before pulling away to grab a book, Anna Karenina. I walked back to my desk, glancing up as Tessa settled into the chair closest to the fire. She sat there, allowing the world to fall away until she was in one of her own design.

I went back to my paperwork but found myself often sneaking glimpses of Tessa. When she fell asleep in the chair, I chuckled, imagining a world where this was a constant in my future. I gather her in my arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom, being respectful as I tucked her in. As I took in her still form, I was reminded me of _"Maud" _by Alfred Lord Tennyson.

_"Half the night I waste in sighs,  
Half in dreams I sorrow after  
The delight of early skies;  
In a wakeful dose I sorrow  
For the hand, the lips, the eyes,  
For the meeting of the morrow,  
The delight of happy laughter,  
The delight of low replies."_

"For the meeting of tomorrow, Ms. Gray." I whispered before placing a kiss on her head and leaving her chambers.

**AN: I know that this story doesn't have as many followers as my other works nor a lot of reviews but for the small following it has, I write for you. And to my number one fan for this story, [SilverCarstairs], thank you for your kind words, excitement and motivation. As always please review.**


	9. Jem's Diagnosis

**AN: This chapter contains lots of feels.**

**Chapter Nine – Jem's Diagnosis **

**_*Tessa*_**

I found myself opening up a bit more to Jem after he revealed the library to me; welcoming my presence in the evenings when I returned from work. Usually he was already there, perched behind his desk calculating numbers and going over memos for the new plans. If Will was there, he immediately left at my arrival, shooting me dirty looks as he passed. I didn't understand his problem with me. When I brought it up to Jem, he shrugged it off saying that's just Will.

"Will is angry with everyone. I don't let it color my judgment."

I mumbled how confusing it was before settling in to read. Jem chuckled and returned his focus back to his paperwork. He shivered slightly and shook out his hand. Although he was up front with me about his condition and his need for the medicine, I also knew lately he'd been forgoing taking it but I felt I would be overstepping my boundaries.

Charlotte popped in to check on us and to remind Jem of his appointment tomorrow. "Doctor Enoch said no food or drink after midnight, and to expect to be there for at least 2 hours. He wants to run a few tests."

I saw Jem quickly nod before getting up to walk her out. He seemed quite eager to end the conversation as if there was something he didn't want me to know. But I resolved my curiosity. If Jem wanted me to know about his health, he would tell me.

**_*Jem*_**

"I've seen that way you look at Tessa, James Carstairs." Charlotte only called me by my full name when she was in her maternal mode.

"No offense Charlotte but I already had this discussion with Will. I know that Tessa has been here for a while and I can't say how much longer she will be here," I started but Charlotte shook her head and placed her hand on the side of my face.

"I don't mind that Tessa is still in the house. She has had a difficult life and I think she is enjoying being worrying-free for once. And I see the effect she is having on you as well. I know that you haven't told her the whole truth about you. But if you truly care for her then you will tell her."

I shook my head and offered the reason why I couldn't do exactly that. "Tessa has already lost so many people in her life. I couldn't bear to burden her with the news that I will be the next one. I just want her to have some happiness before she has to wake up from this fairy tale and return to her life."

Charlotte listened with kind eyes but still held to her previous statement. "You need to tell her Jem. She could surprise you."

The following day, I left for my appointment while leaving Will to finish up my paperwork. He offered to come with me but if the news was bad, I didn't want anyone to know. As soon as I arrived in the medical center, I quickly was ushered back. Doctor Enoch had his nurse check my vitals and hook me up to several machines, all monitoring several different things.

"So how are you feeling today James?"

"Like I can take on the world." I replied. It was the greeting I always gave.

He nodded and looked over the chart and the papers read-out from the machine. He mumbled a couple of things to himself and compared his notes. Doctor Enoch looked back to me, asking how much of the drug I was taking per day. When I told him I had to sometimes double and triple the dosages, he was taken aback and mentioned a few more tests he wanted to run.

I didn't like the sound of that but agreed. My life was finally feeling complete and I didn't want it to end any time soon. I fell asleep while the machine was monitoring my organs, a nurse waking me up later. I headed into his office and waiting patiently for him to return with my results.

"I won't sugarcoat it, James. It doesn't look good." He said somberly. As he continued, I learned my body was failing at a rapid rate. The amount that I would need to survive on a day to day basis was more that my organs could process. It was no longer a matter of dying in the distant future. I would be lucky if I made it to spring in the next two months. I asked if there was anything I could do, any procedures I could undergo to prolong my life. Doctor Enoch stated nothing short of a miracle would save me now and as much as I considered Tessa a miracle in my life, there was nothing I could do. I would be leaving her, Charlotte and Will. I would be leaving them all.

I thanked Doctor Enoch and walked out of the building, just numb and upset. Life could be so unfair to those who deserve nothing but the best. I already lost my parents, and now my friends would be losing me. I instructed Thomas to drive towards home. I ran through a mental list of things I needed to prepare. I would have to discuss my last testament and arrangements with Charlotte and start the process of transferring everything to Will's name. I didn't have much but I wanted my legacy to be left in the hands of people who would care.

As soon as I walked, I headed straight into my office and to the safe where I stored all my important documents. I had just retrieved them when I heard her clear her throat. Somehow I had forgotten she would be in here, waiting for me like always. I let out a breath and plastered a smile on my face as I grabbed a land deed instead of my death folder.

"I'm sorry, it's just…I was curious, as to what the doctor said. You seemed so worried about it yesterday and then this morning you ran right past me," she explained timidly. I stood there just staring at her, unable to say anything. Tessa then shook her head. "I know it's no of my business and I shouldn't have asked." She apologized and quickly ran out the door.

I sank into my chair, feeling foolish. She cared about me, noticed that something was wrong. I knew how I felt about her but could it be possible she was falling for me as well? Feeling trapped, I placed the deed back in my safe and locked it up. I could deal with that later; right now I needed some time to think. But before I could leave, Charlotte slipped in and closed the door behind her, addressing me in a voice barely above a whisper.

"It was bad news wasn't it? What Doctor Enoch said today."

I nodded and told Charlotte how little time I had left. The snow from January had already melted and February was so close to ending. By April I could be gone, no later than May. Charlotte left go of a soft gasp and asked when I was planning on telling everyone else.

"Will and I will discuss it tomorrow while Thomas is driving Tessa to work at the clinic. I want him to take over my business and there is a lot of paperwork I will need him to fill out. Thomas and Agatha will receive substantial bonuses and I would want you to stay on to help keep Will in line. I know he'll have a difficult time after I've gone and I don't need him setting fire to anything."

"That's all sounds like a mighty fine plan but you know who I was talking about. When are you going to tell Tessa? What are you going to tell her?"

"Nothing. Her brother should be back next month. I will instruct Will to give him a job and make sure they are living someplace safe. We'll say our goodbyes and she won't have to see me again."

For as long as I have known Charlotte, she has been very mild mannered and poised. But in that moment I saw the dark side she hid underneath.

"And what if she doesn't want to leave James? You see how happy she is here. Her brother could come back a changed man but that doesn't mean she has forgiven him! You need to tell her the truth. If you truly care for Tessa, you will tell her everything and soon!" She huffed, her shoulders rising and falling in anger.

I glared at her before grabbing my cane from the umbrella stand and throwing open the door and storming out.

**_*Tessa*_**

The sound of the front door slamming jolted my attention to a clearly frustrated Charlotte.

"Is everything okay? With you and Jem?" I asked, remembering what my Aunt Harriett said about men.

_"Men will always find a way to get under your skin and drive you up a wall."_

Charlotte looked around before letting out a sigh and a chuckle. "I don't know what that boy is thinking anymore. I used to be able to read him like a book but now, I don't know."

"I hope I'm not to blame for getting him riled up. I overstepped my boundaries by asking about his appointment." I looked down, peeling the orange in my hand.

Charlotte placed her hand on mine and gave me a soft smile. "Believe me Tessa; you didn't get him riled up. If anything you touched a piece of his soul with your caring attitude. I think he has gotten so used to Will and me that he is unsure how to act with you. But Jem will be fine; he just …needs some time to process some things. He'll probably wander around and come back some time later tonight with perfect clarity."

"I used to think that people who wandered the earth aimlessly never had a sense of direction or were lost. But I notice Jem walks a lot and it's made me change my opinions of him. I know when I arrived, I was less than pleasant about his situation, calling him weak," I shook my head at the memory of the look his face as he entered the kitchen. "However he's not weak at all. He is cautious and smart; a very beautiful man despite the way his addiction has ravaged his body. Nate would tell me something like 'how much people like you is directly proportional to what you look like.' And I always thought that was true, used it to explain why the world's the way it is. I tried to make up for it by working at the clinic, helping those who the world gave up on because of their appearance. But then I look at someone like Jem; and I see a person who is so beautiful and strong; someone worthy of love. A person who doesn't believe he can have it. "

I hadn't realized what I was saying until it left my mouth. I couldn't take it back; not like I didn't want to. The things I told Charlotte stayed between us and with no one else in the house, I could speak what I was trying to suppress since the night he showed me the library. I was falling for him. It was written all over my face and Charlotte knew it.

A smile spread across her face. "I know that you've been hurt by so many people in your life Tessa. You've lost a lot. But you will never be able to get past the pain if you don't open you heart to someone who you believe won't break it. Open you heart to Jem."

I nodded and dropped the orange in the sink before asking if she knew where he went. She told me his favorite place use to be the Blackfriars' Bridge before it became the bookstore. "Somehow though, I'm certain you'll find him at the bridge."

Charlotte was right. After asking for directions a couple of times, I finally found my way to the bridge. And there he was, leaning against the parapet, looking out on the river. He hadn't even noticed I was next to him until I gently grazed my hand over his.

"Tessa?" He looked around, I'm assuming for Thomas and the car. When he didn't find either, he returned his gaze to the water once again, a frown on his face. "You shouldn't have walked here alone. The streets are dangerous enough without de Quincey and his men looking for you."

"I know; Charlotte told me where to find you. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Your nature to put others' safety and wellbeing before your own never ceases to amaze Me." He said, still not looking at me.

"What do you-"

"Thomas. He told me how you are at the Clinic with the patients there. How caring you are and so open, unafraid to expose yourself to whatever illness they may have. It is a rare quality; don't ever lose it."

I promised him I wouldn't before asking if this was his place of escape. "Is this where you go when you want the world to pass you by?" I asked.

The Blackfriars' bridge wasn't exactly a tourist spot and those who did walk it, paid no attention to Jem and me. It was as if we were pieces of the bridge's framework in their eyes. Jem nodded and looked at our hands before grabbing mine.

"Thank you for checking up on me." He spoke softly, finally looking at me.

It was then I understood what he meant when he gave me the library. The raw beauty of the moment. In this moment, the world had fallen away; the noise and sounds of the city mute. It was only he and I, bare and vulnerable. Completely open and wanting acceptance of the other. I looked into his eyes and saw my reflection within them but something more. A piece he tried to keep hidden, even from Charlotte and Will. The burden of the sadness he carried with me.

I let my gaze drift from his face to his stature and stripped away everything but that burden. Only then did I truly see him and understand why he took me in. The pain, which comes with losing family, is a great one but to watch them make their descent and know there was nothing you could do about it? That was a pain that stayed with you always. For me, it was my brother and his vices. For Jem, it was his parents. He wished he was stronger, that he had forced his body to resist the poison he injected into himself. I lifted my head and met his eyes once more. He stared back, a secret smile playing on his lips. Feeling bold and following Charlotte's advice, I leaned forward and placed a small kiss on his lips, one that I hope he would know what it meant. A kiss that said 'it was okay to let go of the pain.'

**_*Jem*_**

I was shocked and caught off guard a bit when Tessa kissed me. I quickly recovered and placed my hand on the small of her back, pushing her into my body more. If this was the last moment I had like this with her, I wanted it to be one she would always remember. When we finally broke apart for air, I saw her eyes a bit clouded with lust. I grabbed her hand once more and pulled her away from the bridge, feeling at ease.

As we walked, Tessa spoke of her latest literacy adventures and mentioned she was giving Walden another try; this time she read it through my eyes.

"And what did you think?"

She cracked a smile and I knew then she loved it. "I can understand why he chose to write about it. He made it so much more about the place; it was about the peace that place stirred up in his soul and calmness he felt that allowed him to clear his mind and write. Something few writers have today."

I nodded, happy that she finally understood his work. The conversation continued, ending only when we reached her bedroom door. I hovered there, not wanting to let go of her hand; uncertain of how to express what I desperately needed her to know.

"Thank you for letting me intrudes on your peace."

"You could never intrude on any aspect of my life. It is made all the more enjoyable by your presence." I replied honestly.

Tessa blushed and avoided my gaze for a second before leaning and placing a kiss upon my cheek before turning into her bedroom. As the door closed, I leaned my head against it and sighed. There was something I wanted to tell her, needed her to know before it was too late.

"I love you Tessa Gray and I will never forget you or how you will in my death."

**AN: Really long chapter I know but I felt like you guys deserved it. In the next chapter, you'll know what Nate has been up to; there will be a bit of drama, and possibly an OOC Jem?**


	10. The Attack

**AN: I had Jem and Will act just a little OOC.**

**Chapter Ten – The Attack **

**_*Jem*_**

The next day after Tessa left with Thomas and Will, Charlotte and I sat down with my lawyer, Axel Mortmain. He was a bit of a snake and had a shady clientele but he was the best and could be trusted with secrets. The second he arrived, I ushered him into the office and pulled out all the papers and land deeds necessary for the meeting before sitting down and revealing to all how much time I had left. As it was March now, Doctor Enoch predicted my body would slowly shut down in early April, my death finally arriving in Mid-May.

After going over a few minor possessions I wanted returned to my uncle Elias to keep in the family, we went into detail about the properties I owned and my business.

"As far as my business, I am choosing to leave it in the capable hands of William Owen Herondale," I stated, signing the transfer ownership papers. "Next I leave my current home to my friend and adviser, Charlotte Branwell."

Axel wrote everything out, stamping official documents and signing his name on the dotted line. I was prepared to move on the next section when Charlotte asked what I planned on doing about Tessa. "Her brother will be returning next month and Will has already started putting things into place so they can move to New York. I don't think she knows yet but I know she would like to hear it from you before Nathaniel shows up on the doorstep prepared to take her with him."

I didn't want to think about losing her but I couldn't keep her either.

"I need to take a break. Charlotte can you bring in the mail?" I asked, heading into the kitchen. Agatha slid a cup of tea in front of me, along with a plate of her famous raisin tea biscuits. No matter my mood, Agatha's food could always put me at ease. But not this time; there was too much on my mind. I spent so much time preparing myself for this moment but considered the aftermath my death would cause to the people I would be leaving behind.

"Jem, I think you need to see this." Charlotte called out panicky.

I ran from the kitchen to the hallway where she was looking at the newspaper. There on the front page was a photo of de Quincey's thugs being hauled away in handcuffs. I scanned the article for details. The cops finally found someone willing to testify against de Quincey and his men. Their witness statement was enough evidence for the cops to acquire a warrant. They conducted a raid late in the previous evening, uncovering a plethora of illegal activity. Despite the massive arrest, de Quincey managed to escape with his right hand man Marcel.

He was still at large. Even after everything the cops had on him and the raid, he still managed to slip away. Someone rolled over on him, the paper had said. My mind instantly went back to that night; the thug calling out, _"de Quincey will hear about this Gray and then we'll be back for your sister. This is far from over."_

I was certain Nate was still at the top of de Quincey's list and the raid would only make him enhance his efforts to get his hands on Tessa and Nate. After instructing Charlotte to reschedule my meeting with Mortmain, I pulled out my cellphone and punched in Will's number.

"We're at the hospital. There was an incident." He said as soon as he picked up the phone.

**_*Tessa*_**

The clinic was busy as usual but I didn't mind. The joy I felt when I helped people the world had given up on was one I cherished. Many of the patients knew me by name and had gotten used to see Will and Thomas accompany me. Few had asked questions to which I responded they were my body guards. There weren't too many questions after that, just a lot of curious looks. But there was one guy who came in on a monthly basis who always bumped heads with Will. And today was no different. When I came out into the waiting room from the records room, Will was in the face of Benedict Lightwood.

"Everyone knows why you're alone. Your children all despise you as you're the reason their mother is dead."

Benedict lunged at Will but was pushed back by Thomas, who jumped in between the both of them. Will was still calling out to Benedict as I lead him back so Thomas dragged him to the door and pushed him outside.

"I don't know why you associate with the liked of William Herondale. People like him are such drags on society."

I said nothing as he rambled on like he did every time he came in for treatment. Not so long ago, Benedict was a High Court Judge, feared by all that stepped into his courtroom. He had a reputation for being condescending and intimidating. Eventually it was discovered he used his political position and influence to control others and gain whatever he wanted. When he was investigated, his secret life was brought to light. Benedict favored deviant and sexual acts with women of the night. He spent so much time with them; he eventually contracted HIV and passed it on to his wife. When she learned, she made sure all knew of his peculiar taste in the bedroom before committing suicide.

I checked his vitals and prepared him for the doctor before returning to the waiting room. Since there wasn't another patient for some time, I decided to take my mid-morning break. Thomas was sitting in the corner, reading a magazine and Will was nowhere to be found. I called out to him and asked about his whereabouts. Thomas looked around and figured he was still outside cooling down. So I decided to join him, telling Thomas to remain inside. He wasn't standing in front of the building so I walked towards the back parking lot. He wasn't there but there was a blonde woman hunched over, dry heaving.

"Hey, are you okay? Do you need some help?" I called out approaching her cautiously. She didn't respond so I placed my hand on her shoulder. She quickly stopped her act and smirked at me before shoving her hands into my shoulder blades, sending me flying backwards into the arms who I assumed was her friend. The woman then turned her green eyes upward and stated, "Tell de Quincey this makes us even." A hand was quickly slapped over my mouth and my assailant slammed me into the wall. While holding my throat in a tight grip, he pulled a switchblade from his pocket and held it under my chin.

"Where's your brother, Tessa Gray? My boss needs to speak with him." He questioned.

I shook my head, explaining that he left me here. "I haven't seen him since you attacked him. He's been on the run from some guy that he owes money too." I shouted hoarsely.

He scoffed and grabbed my arm, dragging me through the parking lot and throwing me into a town car I hadn't noticed earlier. Sitting across the seat I landed on was a man who appeared to be an inch away from death with white hair and pale blue-like skin. He looked me up and down, licking his lips as he did.

"You're even more beautiful than Marcel said. That skin is flawless, I just want to …mmm," He stated making my skin crawl.

"I am de Quincey." He started but I shook my head.

"I know who you are and I know what you do. You prey on people like my brother and make them feel like Kings then turn the tables and treat them like dogs, begging for scraps of meat. What do you want with me?"

He leaned back, a sly smile on his face. "I love how assertive you are. You got right to the point. Fine, so will I. Your brother owed me a rather large sum of money. I told him if he didn't pay it in the two days, I would come for him. I did and he somehow managed to get away. Now it's been about seven months and your brother's debt is almost paid up. But it was never about the money. It was always about the respect. And now, my business' ruined because someone gave them a very detailed confession." de Quincey leaned forward and bore his eyes into mine.

I pieced it together quickly. He thought it was Nate. But that didn't explain what he wanted with me. And then like a light bulb, it became clear. He wanted me in the hopes of luring Nate out of hiding.

"I can see by the look on your face that figured it out. But I am certain that you haven't. Yes I do want your assistance in luring your brother out but I also want you for myself." In a flash he was sitting next to me, running his hand along the side of my face. My body stiffened and I felt sick. The one who grabbed me was still sitting on the other side near the door. Any chance I had of escaping would mean taking him with me. When I felt de Quincey's hand on my thigh and slowly creeping higher, I raked my nails against his face and shoved him back.

Before the thug had the chance to react, I leaned across him and popped open the door, shoving him out. de Quincey recovered faster than I expected and grabbed me round the waist, scratching and clawing at the bit of exposed skin on my hips. I felt my foot tightly caught in his grip and twist the wrong way. I cried out and kicked him several times, finally connecting with neck. He let out a strangled choke and I leapt from the moving car, hitting the pavement awkwardly on my arm and rolled down the hill.

When I finally landed, I felt the gash on my forehead and the cuts all along my body where the road tore at my clothes. I got up slowly, cradling my right arm and half limp/half dragged myself back to the clinic.

***Jem***

Charlotte had to call me a cab as I didn't trust myself to drive at this point. So many different scenarios ran through my head. All Will would tell me was Tessa wasn't dead. That wasn't much to go on. He wouldn't tell me what happened or what here current state of health was, just that she was asking for me. that little bit made my heart swell but the concern for her well-being overshadowed it.

I shouted at the cab driver to go faster, not thinking or caring about the other drivers on the road. Tessa was hurt and I needed to be there. As soon as we arrived, I threw what I was sure more than enough to cover the ride at the driver and ran inside where Thomas was waiting for me. when he couldn't look me in the eye, I knew it was bad. "Tell me what happened Thomas." I struggled to keep my voice even but it came out hoarse.

"She went looking Will. He got into it with Lightwood again and went outside to look for him. she told me to stay and I figured she would be safe as Will often took off after he angered Lightwood. When Will came back in, she was in his arms. I don't know what happened." I unballed my fists and stretched out my fingers, asking if he's seen her since she was brought in. Thomas shook his head, stating Will was with her.

"Show me the way."

The walk to Tessa's room felt like it stretched on forever. I stood outside the curtain, shooting Will a dirty look. He turned and tried to speak but I held up my hand. "I will deal with you later." I said, pulling back the curtain. Tessa was sitting up on the bed, banged and bandaged up. Her wrist was wrapped up and her ankle was in a brace. I rushed forward and gathered her in my arms, hugging her tightly. "Jem, I'm fine. I'm fine." She told me but I could see that she wasn't. if she was we wouldn't be in the hospital right now.

I let my body relax and placed my hand on her shoulder. When she winced, I looked at her face before pulling the shirt collar to the side. There were finger marks along her neck and bruises on her shoulders. I felt myself shaking violently but I couldn't worry about myself now. I gripped my cane tighter, the cool jade eyes pressing into my burning skin. "Tell me what happened. Who did this?"

I listened intently as Tessa recounted her encounter with de Quincey and her harrowing escape that lead to her injuries. "Will saw me when I got closer to the clinic and he carried me in. The police were called and after giving my statement, I was brought here. The doctors say I'll be fine, just have to take it a bit easy with my foot." I nodded and stayed with her until the nurse came to clean up her cuts and deliver her prescriptions. I stepped back out into the hallway and nodded for Will to follow.

"Where were you? why did this happen?" I shouted not caring if anyone saw us.

"Jem-" he began but I cut him off.

"You wanted proof right? Proof that de Quincey was still after Nate and Tessa. Well is this enough?" I gestured back to the area where she was. "SHE COULD HAVE DIED! Do you not get that? de Quincey is a sick and twisted monster who wouldn't have hesitated to …to…," I couldn't even bring myself to say what would have happened if she didn't get away. What de Quincey clearly wanted to happen.

"I know but I thought I was doing you a favor," He started. I felt my body go numb as Will told me that he was the one who went to the police. "I've been in contact with Nate and I asked him if he would be willing to help put de Quincey away so he wouldn't have to uproot Tessa's life once more. He mailed me the confession and I took it to the police and in the hopes that de Quincey would be behind bars for what his actions. I didn't know he was going to escape or come after Tessa."

I couldn't believe my ears. I understood his reasoning for doing it and everything but in that moment I didn't care for reasoning. I just wanted him to pay for what his selfless act caused Tessa. I pulled my hand back and punched him right in the jaw. "That was for Tessa." I whispered to him before heading back to check up on her.

"She can't stay with you Jem. You don't have much of a life to give her and you know it. let her go." He called out after me.

**_*Tessa*_**

As soon as I was discharged from the hospital, Jem and Thomas were at my side, Will nowhere to be found. Jem stated he walked off in a voice that meant he didn't want to talk about it. Thomas brought the car around and Jem helped me into the car, Will taking his seat in the front.

After several minutes of silence, I had had enough. "Jem what is going on between the three of you? You know it wasn't their faults I was attacked. I was the one who told Thomas to stay and I foolishly fell for de Quincey's trap. Thomas nor Will are to blame for this." I spoke, rubbing his hand. His knuckles were raised and a bit red. I looked at him as he followed my gaze, stiffening his shoulders slightly but saying nothing.

Charlotte was waiting for us when we pulled up. I eased out of the car and limped the short distance to the house, a little upset that Jem walked right up the stairs. Thomas grabbed me gingerly by the elbow and led me into his office, placing me in my favorite chair and slid an ottoman under my foot. I thanked him and Charlotte before grabbing the book from the side pocket. Charlotte left and returned a few minutes later with a tray of tea and a couple of slices of Agatha's cream cheese pound cake. When she didn't immediately leave, I looked dup at her.

"I was certain you would want me to give this to you when Jem was around after what happened, but your brother. He sent you a letter." She explained before handing the slim envelope to me.

I waited until she left before reading his words.

_Hey Tessie,_

_I know it's been a while since I called you that. I guess it's been a while since I did a lot of things. The main being me acting like a good brother. I know you haven't heard from me but I was trying to respect your wishes. Also it took losing you for me to finally realize just how far gone I was. Mr. Carstairs arranged for me to slip out of London on a freighter his uncle owned. I've been assisting him in his exporting business. I won't tell you where I am in case this letter falls into the wrong hands but know that I have gotten some help. I haven't gambled since I've been here despite being tempted. I am trying to be serious about the change I want to make in my life. I've just about managed to fulfill the debt I owe to de Quincey. My boss Elias has spoken with Mr. Carstairs' associate, a William Herondale about my return. He contacted me about helping to put de Quincey away so he wouldn't be a threat to my return. I gave him everything I knew and I hope it will be enough to rid the streets of the monster. Mr. Herondale has stated he has some connections in New York. I know that London has been our home for so long but I was hoping we could start someone new once I returned._

_I am serious about being a changed man and I figured the further I was from the memories of our old life, the better chances I had to kick this addiction for good. I know I have a long way to go to earn back your respect and prove my worth to you but I promise Tessie, the old me is gone for good. I already have a job lined up and waiting for me in new York and once I return to London, I plan on collecting you and moving into the apartment Mr. Herondale has set up for us. I told him to make sure it was bigger than our last and it is within walking distance to the New York Public Library. I remember how much you love books so I figured an apartment near Midtown Manhattan would be perfect._

_Although I don't deserve it, I hope you'll give me another chance. Let me fulfill Aunt Harriet's promise to always care for you._

_Missing you and hoping to see you soon_

- _Nate_

I held the letter in my hand, certain phrases still running through my mind. He was claiming to be changed, resisting temptation as a condition of his employment. It all sounded fine on paper but a leopard didn't change their stripes overnight. Underneath it all, he could still be the same old Nate. I resigned that I would wait a bit before responding to his words. With the exception of today, my life was going well and I wasn't ready to give it up just yet.

"Tessa, is everything okay?" I heard Jem call out. I quickly tucked the letter into my book and slid it back into the side pocket of my chair. I turned to look at him; surprised he was showered and dressed in different clothes. In his hand were two pieces of luggage.

"Taking a trip?"

"Yes, I thought maybe you would like to get out of the city for the weekend. I have a manor house out in the country. Perfect place to relax after the stressful day you've had." He smiled.

**AN: Chapter 11 brings Nate's return, Jem closing in on death's doorstep and two surprise gifts.**


	11. Jem's Manor House

**AN: To clarify, this story is rated M for the sensitive subject of death and the final chapter. And the possible lemon in this chapter. Just to be safe. Also as a special gift for my small but dedicated following, I made this chapter a bit longer than the others, full of feels.**

**Chapter Eleven – Jem's Manor House **

**_*Jem*_**

With a little assistance from Charlotte, Tessa headed upstairs and packed her things, changing into fresh clothes. I instructed Charlotte to burn the ones she was wearing as we returned to the foyer. In my arms was a heavy coat with a deep hood atop it. Tessa gave me a quizzical look and crossed her arms.

"It's a just in case thing. I don't believe we were followed but…" I lifted the coat and held it out to her. Tessa sighed and slipped her arms into the oversized jacket as I crammed a cap on her head, tucking her hair under the flaps. When she spun around and gave me a sarcastic grin, I gathered her in my arms and carried her out the backdoor as another precaution. Thomas was there with a different car, dressed in all black with a chauffer's hat on his head. To the rest of the world, it would appear someone rich was being carted around town. I gentle placed Tessa down, my lips brushing softly against hers as I returned to a sitting position. The air suddenly became tense and I was unaware of what to say or do. I leaned over to close the door, sneaking a glance at Tessa. She was blushing, slowly pulling off the cap and jacket.

As Thomas eased the car onto the road, I explained some of the history behind the house and what it was used for over the years.

"Now, it just sits there. My uncle uses it when he and his family visit but not so much since my father's death. They use to spend summers there when they were children. So I guess the memories are keeping him away." I finished, noticing Tessa appeared to be far away. I began to worry there was more to the de Quincey incident; something she didn't want to tell me. As my anger took over, my hand started trembling. I placed it on the seat beside me and breathed deeply while counting backwards from 10.

"Tessa," I asked softly once I was calmer. "You seem so sad. Is everything okay?"

She snapped out of her daze and offered me a sad smile. "I was just thinking about Nate. I never did thank you for helping him."

I nodded and asked if she missed her old life. To my surprise she answered, "Yeah, I guess I do."

**_*Tessa*_**

Jem's face fell as I told him I missed my old life. Nice going, I thought. He was probably thinking I didn't appreciate everything he did for me and Nate.

"I mean, I miss parts of it. The good parts. Living in your house with Will and Charlotte, it feels so surreal. A poor orphan plucked off the streets and offered the finest of everything by a mysterious benefactor. My life reads like a Dickens' novel!" I chuckled before explaining more about my upbringing.

"Aunt Harriet always spoiled Nate. When we were children he could get away with anything, never having to take responsibility for anything. When he was younger and would get into trouble, it was Aunt Harriet who always paid off his debts and took care of his problems. But me, well she raised me to always take care of him. When I was a bit older she told me, 'Nate is an innocent to the world and you must always do what you can to protect him.' I guess she knew that Nate would grow up to be a bit of a screw up and would need family to look out for him once she passed away."

"That's why you work the two jobs. Even when you knew he wasn't looking for work or getting help, you still said nothing because of your Aunt's words. You were trying to keep your promise to her." Jem stated.

I nodded softly not realizing it until he said it. I was always protecting Nate because it's what Aunt Harriet instilled within me at such a young age. I was no better than her, allowing him to continue his descent and doing not to prevent it. I may as well have placed the money and the alcohol in his hands myself.

"But you must have had some good times with your brother." Jem offered.

I sat back and tried to recall any happy memories I had with Nate but there were none. Even as we were growing up, Nate was always running off to be with his friends, leaving me to chase after him. He was always selfish but cared for me because I was the only one who could and would tolerate him once everyone else turned their backs on him. When I left that day with Charlotte and Will, I told him I didn't want to hear from him. I told my only brother to forget me, to forget I existed. I was an orphan and so was he. So the letter I received earlier didn't matter anymore.

"No. None at all."

Jem nodded and stayed silent for a bit while I returned my gaze to the scenery passing by outside the window. Eventually Jem went took a nap, looking the most peaceful I've seen him in days.

**_*Jem*_**

As soon as we arrived at the manor house, I opened the door and got out first, holding my hand out for Tessa. She placed her slender hand in mine, warming my heart. "This is how it should always be." I thought to myself. Tessa looked at the house, her jaw dropping.

"Jem, this is so beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." I replied, leading her forward. The Carstairs Manor House was strategically set so it was surrounded with panoramic views of the countryside and the acres of land it sat upon. It was a two story, three part home with elaborate decorative details throughout the entire place. The first floor consists of a large center foyer underneath a beautiful crystal chandelier; with a large formal parlor and reception room that was converted into a more elaborate version of the office I used in my other home. Both rooms as well as the three bedrooms had their own fireplace with hand carved mantels.

Along the walls were the family portraits. I lead her through the hall, showing her the oil painting of my mother and father.

"I can see both of them within you." She commented sweetly.

I nodded and guided her towards the stairwell. Positioned in the center of the room, it had a molded handrail which allowed it to split off into two separate staircases; that allowed the main hallway to have a full unobstructed view of the foyer. The formal kitchen and dining room were located in the West Wing of the house while the East Wing held a cigar and billiards room, the sunroom which opened up to the garden and a most elaborate library.

The second I threw open the doors, Tessa was instantly rendered speechless. She ran in and began commenting on the first editions and rare books hidden on the shelves. I felt the shaking return to my form so I slipped out and back into the office. I knew it was a risk with my death being so close, but I needed this time with her. She needed to know. I'd just finish when Thomas arrived to inform me the bags were placed in the bedrooms. "Agatha is setting up in the kitchen, a little miffed you didn't bring her here sooner." He quickly noticed the fine sheen of sweat on my head and came a bit closer.

"Are you alright Mr. Carstairs? Should I fetch Ms. Gray?"

I placed a smile on my face and waved him off. "Just a bit nervous. I brought Tessa here to give her something very special and now, I fear I may not be able to deliver."

Thomas' face eased and a sly smile replaced the worried frown. As he offered pieces of advice, I realized he thought I was talking about something material to signify the start of our relationship. When Thomas left, I considered the thought of giving her my jade pendant. I was never without it but I could part with it, knowing that it was with Tessa. I reached up and stroked the circular stone before unhooking it from my neck. Before rejoining Tessa, I phoned Charlotte.

"Call Mortmain and tell him I want my family manor bequeathed to Tessa." I explained before grabbing the gift from my briefcase. I placed the pendant into a small box and slipped in my pocket as I headed back to the library. When I didn't find her there, I looked through the rest of the rooms before finding her outside on a blanket, reading _Little Women._ I approached but she was so engrossed in the book that she hadn't even noticed me. As I didn't want to disturb her, I laid down, allowing the sun to warm my face. I truly wanted to enjoy these final moments with her. I knew once we returned, she would be moving on with her life and I would be moving on to the afterlife. But I couldn't worry about that now. Now I just needed her to know how much I cared for her, how much I …loved her.

"You look so deep in thought," I heard her teasing. I hadn't realized she was no longer reading but instead was watching me. Her soft gray eyes held the same lightness her smile did. The sun's rays casting her in an angelic glow. I reached up and caressed the side of her face, taking a moment to enjoy the softness of her skin.

"Do you remember our first conversation we had in the bookstore? You were near the back and reading that book of love letters."

"Yeah, I was a bit rude." She chuckled, reciting exactly what she said to me.

"I remembered how you desired a letter like that; one full of passion and love," I started, hoping I wouldn't lose my nerve. "So I wrote a letter like that to you. Letters like the kind important men use to write to their beloved lovers. Now I don't want you to read it until we return to the city and you're with your brother. Just…know that I truly care for you Tessa and," I looked up into her eyes once more as I pressed the letter into her hands and spoke the three words I knew would change everything.

"I love you."

Tessa said nothing as she leaned down and placed her soft lips onto mine. I pulled her into me and deepened the kiss, pouring everything, even my soul into it. Tessa was the first to pull away but only slightly and only to catch her breath.

"I think I love you too."

My heart swelled and it was all I could do not to not die from happiness right them. I placed my head against hers, just fighting the urge to ruin the moment with my news. Luckily for me, Agatha arrived to announce the late lunch/early dinner she prepared was ready and set up in the sun room. I sighed and got on my feet, offering Tessa my hand. She took it and kept hers in mine as I lead her back to the house.

**_*Nate*_**

After being in another country for so long, it felt nice to return home. But the feeling of home brought with it melancholy feelings. The last time I was here, Tessa was so upset and hurt by my actions. She had every right to be angry with me. I couldn't believe I allowed my addiction to almost ruin the relationship I had with the one person who always stuck by me through everything. When I saw her leave with the associates of Mr. Carstairs, I finally felt the pang of loneliness. I had no one left but Tessa and I needed to do everything I could to ensure she would be safe when we started over. And that began with ending all ties with de Quincey.

But before I could do that, I needed to see Mr. Herondale. In our last conversation, he informed me everything was all set for Tessa and me in New York. He called in a few favors and got her a job at the library there and a nice two bedroom apartment. I was going to be working in the mail room of a company his sister, Cecily owned.

I began cleaning up the mess, mostly dust that gathered in our absence. I cleaned out the fridge, throwing away the old cabbage soup and boxing up the few canned goods we still had to donate to the local shelter. I was tackling the bathroom when someone knocked on the door. Grabbing the gun I bought only earlier today, I cocked it back and slowly approached the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw it was Mr. Herondale. I quickly unlocked the door and allowed him to slip in.

He looked around until he saw me hiding behind the door, the gun still in my hand. "You think one gun will stop de Quincey? You really are special, aren't you." he said dryly.

I waved him off and offered him a seat on the couch. He didn't take it, choosing to stand near the door.

"So what's going on? I wrote to Tessa and I haven't heard anything. Did de Quincey get arrested?" I rambled out several more questions before Will held up his hand.

"First, shut up. I can't think with all that prattling. Now, the cops did a raid and they arrested a lot of people but de Quincey got away with a thug named Marcel. And earlier today, they went after Tessa when she was at the clinic."

As Will informed me what happened, I remembered what Mr. Carstairs said when he took her in. She would be safe. That's what he told me and that was the only reason I agreed to this. So she would be safe from de Quincey. I pulled the gun back up and charged towards him. But Will quickly disarmed me; twisting my arm behind me and shoving me face first into the wall. "Try that again Nathaniel and I will break your arm. Now Tessa is safe, she is out of the city in a place where de Quincey won't find her. She will be back on Monday."

"I want to see her. Take me to her, it's all my fault." I cried out. It was true. I was the one in debt to de Quincey and it was my confession that gave the police everything they needed to conduct the raid. Even when I try to fix my mistakes and clean up my mess, Tessa still gets hurt.

"I said she'll be back Monday. The second she gets back, I will bring her here. Now I'm going to let you go. We're not going to have any more problems are we?" Mr. Herondale hissed in my ear.

I shook my head and let out a sigh when he finally released me, rotating my wrists. He pulled out an envelope from somewhere and threw it on the table.

"What's this?" I scoffed.

"That right there is everything you need to begin anew. de Quincey can't and won't cross the ocean to come after you and Tessa. If he does, then the authorities in the US will be notified and he'll have two countries to answer to. When Tessa returns on Monday, her things will already be packed and in the car waiting for her. I'll escort her here and then you two will wait until it is dark before shuttling you two to the airport. You'll take the red eye to New York where a man named Edgar Graymark will meet you. Don't worry about finding him, he will find you. He'll take you to your new home. Your landlord is an old friend named Magnus Bane. Now he is a bit troublesome but he'll look out for Tessa and keep trouble from finding her while you're working."

Will gave me a few more pointers, mainly to stay there until he returned with Tessa. "We have to assume de Quincey knows you're back so until Monday, you're home-bound." He called out before he left.

**_*Tessa*_**

After a delicious meal, Jem pulled a black box from his pocket and placed it on the table near my hand. I glanced at him before slowly opening the present. Sitting inside was a green circular stone dangling from a golden chain. I plucked it from the ribbon and held it up, looking it over. in the center of the stone was a smaller gold circle with a Chinese symbol etched into it. Jem explained what the symbol meant and the importance behind the necklace.

"It used to belong to my mother and it is one of the few things I have left to remind me of her. I want you to have it."

I shook my head and tried to push it back but Jem insisted. Sensing he wasn't going to let it go, I thanked him and snapped it around my neck, his pendant sitting a few inches above my clockwork angel. I'd never shown it to anyone; not even Nate knew I had it. I found it in the jewelry box along with some of the pieces that belonged to my mother and Aunt Harriet. I pulled my shirt down slightly to reveal it. Jem marveled at the intricate design and asked about it.

"It's the only thing I carry with me always to remind me of my mother. I have never taken it off. So I want you to know how serious I am when I say I will treat your pendant with the same regard that I do this one."

Jem smiled and placed his hand atop mine, stating he knew I would. As the air in the room seemed to be clouded with lusting and desire, I broke our gaze and asked what he had planned for the evening. When he said he was planning on watching the sunset from the garden, I asked if he wouldn't mind if I didn't join him. he looked a little crush so I quickly explained.

"It's just…this day has been a mix of emotions that I'm feeling a bit drained. I was thinking I might retire to my room and read for a bit before getting some rest."

And as always Jem politely understood and allowed me my space. After he assisted me up the stairs, he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. I watched him as he walked away, my head swimming and reeling. As I slid down the door to the floor, I remembered the letter in my hand. I was dying to know what was in it but I had given him my word I wouldn't read it until I was with Nate and we were safe. I didn't understand why that was a prerequisite but I decided I would put it up and focus my attention elsewhere. But I quickly found that was easier said than done. Not even reading could distract me from the letter burning a figurative hole in my bag. So I decided to take a relaxing bath.

I was surprised but happy to see the bathroom was stocked with candles and fragrant bath oils. The tub was one you expected to find in old manor houses like these; sitting in the middle of the room, big enough to fit two people and standing on clawed feet. I turned on the faucet, allowing the water to warm up slightly before adding the oils and lighting the candles. Once everything was perfect, I undressed and turned on the radio, adjusting the knob until I found a perfect station and slipped in, careful to avoid the mirror. I knew my body still bore the bruises and cuts from my adventure earlier but I didn't want to be reminded of them right now.

The water was warm and the oils were helping to loosen my tight muscles. I laid my head back on the towel and closed my eyes, drifting off into a daydream.

**_*Jem*_**

After watching a most beautiful sunset, I returned to the house and walked straight upstairs to my room. I figured Tessa was either in her room resting or in the library. Either way, I didn't want to disturb her. I walked into my room and opened my violin case but couldn't quiet my mind. I was consumed with thoughts of Tessa. I fell back on my bed and committed everything about her to memory. From the shape of her eyes to the gentleness of her soul. The softness of her touch and the smile that graced her lips when she saw me. I would remember it all.

Deciding that a bath could help relax me, I stripped off my clothes and wrapped the towel around my waist. I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me before walking further in and realizing I'd intruded in a private moment. Tessa was in the tub completely bare, with nothing to shield her body from me. I stood there for a second before I realized she hadn't seen me yet. I turned around quietly but when I twisted the door knob, I heard the splash and realized she was now aware of my presence.

"I am so sorry Tessa. I hadn't realized you were in here. I can wait." I called out over my shoulder, still fighting with the door knob.

"Jem, wait." I heard her ask softly. I immediately stopped and awaited further instructions.

"You don't have to be shy. Turn around please."

I did as she asked, certain my embarrassment was showing on my face. When I was facing her finally, I saw she had drawn her knees into her chest and had wrapped her arms around herself. I watched as she slowly rose to her feet and removed her arms from her body, revealing herself to me. I kept my gaze on her eyes, uncertain if she was secure in her decision. What I saw was Tessa, once again bearing an intimate side of herself to me. I'd already seen her soul and her mind. The only thing left was her body. And here in the bathroom of my familial home, she was entrusting that to me as well. Getting the sense Tessa was unsure of what she wanted me to do next; I reached down and undid the towel shielding me from her. It fell to the floor in a soft pile and I felt my feet leading me towards her. As I neared, she slid back down into the water, her skin prickling in goose bumps.

I kept my eyes on hers as I stepped in and positioned myself behind her. Once I was comfortable, she laid back, her head nestled right into my neck. My eyes slowly raked over her form and I saw where that animal had bruised her skin. There were finger imprints on her arms and shoulders as well as on her neck. I leaned forward and kissed every single mark, feeling a slight shudder go through her.

"Tessa…" My lips whispered as they ghosted over. She leaned her head back further, exposing her neck to me. I placed more kisses along it, traveling upward until I was murmuring sweet nothing in her ear. She ran her hand along the inside of my thigh, tracing circles. In the absence of words, there was familiarity in the air.

**AN: This chapter was originally a lot longer than this but I decided to cut it there and continue it on in the next one. Also, I know in Clockwork Angel it states Nate gave her the necklace but I wanted to change that to fit this story.**


	12. Jessa

**AN: Our story is coming to an end. There may be two or three more chapters left and this chapter like the one before contains lots of feels and the end, I apologize for it now. And as promised TID/TMI SchoolFics, here is the second chapter ahead of schedule.**

**Chapter Twelve – Jessa **

**_*Jem*_**

Once the water went cold, Tessa leaned forward to replace it. I smiled sadly at the brief loss of her warmth. Despite this being something I wanted; it was also something I couldn't have. But it had and there was nothing I could do at this point. As Tessa leaned back, she closed her eyes and sighed contently.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, running his hands along her arms and shoulders.

"The future. I know I was only supposed to be with you until it was safe. And with Nate returning next week, I guess I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do." Tessa stated honestly.

"What do you want Tessa? Let's say Nate wasn't coming back and de Quincey was in jail. You could easily go back to your old flat and make it your home. Or you could do something else. What would you do?"

Tessa sat up and turned around to face me. "I want to stay with you. If that meant staying here or in the city or travelling the world, I wouldn't care. When we return to the city, I'll send word to Nate that he'll have to go to New York alone. I want to stay with you."

I knew I was being selfish and giving Tessa false hope but I knew she would forgive me as I only desired to indulge in a simple pleasure of life at least once. She held her gaze, it holding such hope; it reminded me of Gatsby and Daisy. And like Gatsby, I allowed myself to give in and let go. I captured her lips and stepped out of the tub; carrying her with me into the shower. I washed us both off, being respectful of her still. It was a moment he didn't want to end. And Tessa made it clear she felt the same way. As we stepped out of the shower, Tessa dried off and walked right into his room, not waiting for my approval.

I followed her, climbing into the bed after her. I leaned in and kissed her lips, neck, shoulders and collarbone. Taking a look at what lay next to me, I asked Tessa if she wanted me to stop. "Please take a moment to think."

Tessa shook her head. "I don't have to think. I know what I want and I want you Jem." I smiled and kissed her lips once more, relishing in the only private moment we had left to share with one another. She opened for me like a flower and I savored the moment as we ceased to be Jem and Tessa. In that moment of complete incarnation, our souls joined and we became one being; we became Jessa. We shared more in that moment than words would allow us to express. We reveled in the closeness and the intimacy of it all, stripping away all thoughts except for those we shared in that moment.

And when I felt my release expelled from my body, Tessa's followed not a second later, exploding in a pure symphony of love and passion. There was nothing holding us back, our love being the only thing tethering our souls to their earthly essence. In that moment, Tessa relaxed her body and a lethargic sleepiness took hold. She only snuggled into me before sleep overtook her. I welcomed her, wrapping her in my embrace. As her breathing evened out, I tightened my grip on her and sobbed silently.

**_*Tessa*_**

That Friday, the day after my attack, I awoke alone. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and looked around. I remembered the events of the night before and smiled. I knew Jem wouldn't kick me out but I was worried he would carry me back to my bed once I felt asleep.

The bedroom Jem claimed as his was a beautiful one. A four poster bed sat facing the door with nightstands on either side. The walls were paneled with wood and an armoire sat to the right near the wide windows; a dresser and elaborate fireplace sat to the left. It resembled the room I claimed, save for the walls. Where his were wood paneled, mine were a soft light blue.

I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position and looked for Jem. Before I could let my mind wander and create falsities, the doors to room opened and in walked Agatha a tray of food in her hands. I thanked the kind woman for the meal and asked where Jem was.

"Mr. Carstairs is in the office and had expressed a desire not to be disturbed. He asked me to bring you breakfast and see that the beds are made. When you've finished, Mr. Carstairs has ask that you wait for him in the library." She smiled in a way that said, 'I'm a chef and not a personal maid.'

I nodded and placed the tray on my lap as Agatha backed out the room, allowing me some privacy. I looked down surprised to see Agatha made me a hearty and slightly traditional English breakfast. There was bacon, fried eggs, toasted bread and sweet butter, sausages and hash browns with English Breakfast Tea.

After I enjoyed the food, I slipped out of the room and into the bathroom, getting into the shower to wash away the only evidence of the previous night. The hot water eased my achy muscles and cleared the fog my head appeared to be in. Once finished, I returned to my room to dress before waiting for Jem in the library.

**_*Jem*_**

I had just finished Tessa's letter when I felt a violent cough, rack my body. I slipped out of my chair as blood spewed forth. I was getting worse. I quickly grabbed my medicine and injected it into my leg, the veins in my arms no longer available. As it flowed into my bloodstream, my breath returned and my heart stopped beating at a rapid pace. I had just returned to my chair when the phone rang.

I snatched it up and shouted into the receiver, feeling terrible when I learned it was Charlotte. I listened to what she calmly said, despite the news being grim. I fell back into my chair and ran my hand through my hair. When she finished, I told her what to expect and headed to the library, the letter in my hand.

As soon as I pushed open the door, she looked up to greet me. Her smile fell as she took in my face.

"Jem, what is it?" She urged.

I walked in further and took her into my arms. I stroked her hair and kissed her lips once more before telling her what happened.

"You brother returned a week earlier, believing de Quincey to be arrested and in jail as a result of his confession. Somehow de Quincey found out and sent some people after him. He was on his way to the house to surprise and collect you when he was attacked. Charlotte called just now to say that he was on his way to the hospital. They don't know the full extent of his injuries but they are pretty bad."

She gasped and tears formed in her eyes as she began to worry and panic. "I have to go. I have to go and see if Nate is okay." She turned and saw my face.

"Thomas will take you into the city. Stay with him until you get to the hospital. He and Will are going to stay with you until I return. There are some things I need to take care of here and I will join you later."

She nodded and ran to gather her things. I felt a small stabbing pang in my chest but I ignored it. I couldn't keep her here, away from her brother. No matter what I wanted and no matter how she claimed to feel about Nate, she needed to go see him. She returned to the main hall a few minutes later, clothes sticking out of her bag. Thomas collected it from her and ran out the door to place it in the trunk. She started to follow him when she returned and slammed her lips onto mine.

"I promise once I know Nate is okay I'll meet you at the house. I promise." She murmured as she placed her forehead against mine.

I nodded and told her, "Nothing will change while you're gone."

Tessa smiled and whispered against my ears, "I love you." My heart swelled from her knowing how she felt about me and the pain of having to watch her go. But I stayed there in the doorway until the car pulled out of the circular drive and started on the road. My right arm began feeling tingly and the pang in my chest became more serious. Remembering what Doctor Enoch said about what to expect when my body would start to reject the medicine.

_"It will feel like you're having a stroke. Your arm will feel tingly, you may have an ache in your chest and your face could begin to droop."_

This was it. I wasn't going to make it back. I turned around and forced myself to my office shouting for Agatha. I just got to the phone and had redialed my home number when my vision began to blur. The last thing I remembered before the darkness overtook was Agatha rushing towards me and Charlotte screaming my name through the phone.

**AN: Be gentle please.**


	13. Nate's Hospital Visit

**AN: Ok to let you guys breath, here's the next chapter. Sorry no news about Jem. **

**Chapter Thirteen – Nate's Hospital Visit**

**_*Tessa*_**

Thomas sped through the city, choosing not to stop until we arrived at the hospital. Will was already there, trembling slightly and wringing his hands out. When he saw us, he rushed forward and gave us the news.

"Charlotte found him passed out in the alley in the midst of the trashcans. de Quincey and the thugs worked him over really well. The doctors haven't returned yet so we don't know anything."

I sat down but couldn't stay still so I took to pacing the floors waiting. When that didn't work, I sat next to Will and counted the ceiling tiles. After that, I went off and found a coffee machine but couldn't stand to drink it. Just as I was feeling antsy and a little pissed that we hadn't heard anything yet, Will came to collect me.

"The doctor's looking for you. Nate is out of surgery."

I rushed back to the waiting area, colliding with Thomas. He grabbed me by the shoulder and steadied me as I asked the doctor about my brother.

"It's not looking good. Even after all we've done, he'll still have a long way to go. He has three broken ribs, 4 hair line fractures in his arm, a cracked pelvis and broken tailbone…"

The doctor went on to count his other injuries and discuss how the surgery went. They gave him something for the pain so he would be passing out soon but I could go in and sit with him. "You can go in for a few minutes but I recommend only family at this point."

Thomas and Will nodded and carried me to the elevator and up to the ICU where Nate was. I stood outside his door trying to prepare myself for what was on the other side. When I finally felt ready, I pushed open the door and headed on in. Nate was in the bed, casts and braces hiding most of his injuries.

"Hey Tessie." He croaked out weakly.

I waved and fought the urge to hug him tightly. His face was black and purple from the bruises that formed and his left eye was swollen shut. Despite that and his other injuries, he was attempting a smile.

"Nate, I…I should have…I'm sorry…" I heard myself fumbling for words but I couldn't find the right sentiment. Nate slowly stretched his hand towards mine. I moved closer to the bed and grabbed his hand, the only thing not in a protective barrier of some sort. He squeezed it softly and shook his head slowly; trying to tell me it wasn't my fault. "I…made this…mess. Not you." he croaked more but I told him to rest.

"I'll be here when you wake." I told him as the pain medicine took hold and his grip went slack. I adjusted the blanket over him and snuggled into the sofa near the window. Grabbing my bag, I went searching for the copy of _Little Women_ I borrowed from Jem's Manor when my hands closed around a thick scroll of paper. Feeling a bit confused, I pulled it out and undid the satin ribbon holding it together. As I looked it over, I realized it was the letter Jem mentioned.

**AN: I know it's short but I needed the letter to be its own chapter.**


	14. The Letter

**AN: Ok I know that I haven't posted any songs for this story but this chapter deserves two. When reading it listen to 'I Will Let You Go' by Daniel Ahearn and 'This Is Not The End' by Fieldwork ;)**

**Chapter Fourteen – The Letter**

_Dear Tessa, _

_On the first day that we met, in that bookstore, on what I will always consider our first date, you said something that has stuck with me all this time. You said people of our generation don't appreciate the written word anymore. The way a pen felt in your hand as you placed your innermost private thoughts on paper. And how no one seems to have a love for the actual words they use. That conversation ran through my head the entire night as I walked home._

_You flew into my thoughts and at that moment I wasn't truly sure why you were there. Suddenly I felt reassured and a smile was brought to my heart. Somehow, I believe deep down that our souls were connecting and I was falling in love with you then. _

_So I decided I would write you a letter, starting this night, on your first in the house. And I will add to it, writing more and more for every day that you spend with me. I say that because I am uncertain of how much time I have left and I want you to know the real me._

_It is my hope that you will find comfort in these words when I am no longer with you. I have stayed up a lot of nights trying to figure out the right words to use to express these feelings I have inside. Then I thought, 'what words would touch your ears like music and make you cry tears of happiness? What words could I write that would deeply but softly caress your heart and soul?' The answer? The kinds of words that will make you smile. The words you've wanted someone to write to you._

_Then it hit me. The words I was searching for had already been spoken by men more important than me; in the letters mentioned in the book we first bonded over. I never thought I would find someone that would make me want to write odes like they did…until I met you._

_You know a little about my past and how I came to be dependent on this drug. But there is more to me that just what you have seen. I didn't want to show you the real me because I was afraid. Afraid to let you in as I knew my death would bring you pain. You've had so much sorrow and disappointments in your life that I didn't want add any more to it._

_Tessa, you walked into my life and made me smile. There hasn't been a night when I have gone to sleep with a frown on my face and it's all because of you._

_That night when I saw you in the alley with de Quincey's thugs, I thought of nothing else but your safety. When you were pushed into that dumpster, I felt a blind rage consume me, one I'd never felt before. But I allowed it to pass as I gathered you into my arms and brought you to your flat, loving that I was the one who saved you from the threats of the world. As I did, I had hoped that maybe you would open your eyes and just look at me. For when I look at you, into your gray eyes, I am spellbound._

_I didn't want to take you away from everything you knew but I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy being the hero of the story. The hero of our story._

_I enjoyed our discussions about books and the way your eyes lit up when we chatted about music and poetry in my room. In that moment, I got to know a deeper and more intimate side of you. I realized that something inside of you was hurting and that thought brought tears to my eyes._

_You brought a kind of lightness and beauty to my life that I never thought I would ever experience. You made me laugh and forget everything that was going on around me. If only you knew Tessa; that you had become my escape, my survival. I wanted so desperately to kiss you that night and fall asleep, holding you in my arms; keeping you near me. I wish I had stayed alive long enough to be there for you, not just to protect you but to always be the source of your happiest memories. To be the one who would cast out the sorrows that threatened to remove the smile from your face._

_Growing up I longed for a love like the one my parents had. One that defied everything others believed. He was an Englishman and she was Chinese. There were moments that he didn't understand her language or her customs but he stayed by her side, forsaking his home to be with her. It was the only love that I knew but it was a perfect example of a love that I wanted. A love that was full of understanding, swimming in caring and faithfulness. I desired someone who would accept me for who I am. I know that I've found that love in you._

_I knew that falling in love would change my destiny, forever. That it could be a great mistake for me to fall in love. But I convinced myself that all the things I only dreamt of having, I could have them with you. I knew when I kissed you that night I would be forever wedded to you and I didn't hesitate. The love that developed between us in such a brief time is one that I could not lose. I couldn't allow this glorious love to end. So I allowed myself to let go. _

_I know that you will read this after I'm gone and will never truly know the depth of my feelings for you. I had so hoped to be around to show you the extent of my love. In my vanity, I think perhaps I have a little bit. You have become my awakening. Tessa, you have helped me see things in a brighter way, a happier way. _

_Everything happens for a reason and maybe the reason for this will become clear eventually. All I know is being apart from you will not dampen my feelings at all. They will only grow with time and respect, and hope for the future when we can be together once more._

_Maybe in some other life, possibly the one after this we can meet again. I will be stronger and healthy and you will be your radiant and truthful self. Maybe we'll meet on the bridge like they do in romantic comedies and we'll see each other from across the way. And you'll run through the crowd, straight into my arms and I will gather you up, spinning you above my head, a smile on my face and laughter within my heart. We'll hold hands and walk through the town, dining on ice cream and cotton candy. The day will never end, just continuing, rolling into the next. I will cherish it and recall it fondly when I am an old man with you at my side._

_Can you imagine a love that has the power to make death seem so small that I don't fear it like I once had? That is what I felt when I was with you. You make things that appeared scary and daunting; things that should trouble me and keep me up at night seem like nothing at all when compared to thoughts of you. The love that I have for you is one I hope you will keep in your heart and share with someone who deserves it; a person who is worthy of someone as wonderful as you. You have an unspoken elegance about you, one that you allowed only me to see in those brief private moments we shared. It was in them that you dropped the tough act and showed me something you kept close to your heart. The part of you that you locked away because of the life you lived. _

_I saw how vulnerable you were and how you entrusted me to hold your heart and not break it. I believe that I did a good job and hope you won't mind if I keep a piece of it with me always. For I will always remember you. I will remember every day that I spent with, every conversation we had. Every moment will always be with me, for all the days of whatever life I will live. I won't ever forget the beautiful woman who taught me so much and loved me so deeply that it brought me solace and peace in my death._

_Since day one we've shared something incredible, something that most people only dream of. You have made me the happiest I have ever been. You are sincere, caring and loving. I wouldn't trade you for the world. I am thankful and blessed that I could love you. I have cherished all the moments and despite not being able to have a future, I often thought of the one I desired. The one I wish I could have with you. It filled me with anticipation and excitement at the prospect of what it would entail._

_I am forever grateful that you came into my life and made my dreams sweeter. I wish I'd done everything on earth with you, for my life to be like it was when we spent time at the manor house. But alas, I digress. I thank you for all the fun times we spent together even if they were short lived. I thank you for helping me see the light; dispelling the dark clouds that shadowed over my life. I believe people are brought into our lives for a reason. Maybe I was brought into yours to protect you but I know you were placed in my life to help me see myself as a man, not a monster._

_Please know that I'll be here waiting and hoping every long dream of you to come true. _

_My darling Tessa, please know that you will always hold such a dear place in my heart. I regret that I must leave you but I will love you always._

_Jem_

**AN: Next chapter will be a sad one. I won't say who but one of the male characters will be dead.**


	15. Tessa's Loss

**AN: Ok this chapter is just to wet your beak. I will be posting another later to answer your questions about Jem.**

**Chapter Fifteen – Tessa's Loss **

_***Tessa***_

I stayed by Nate's bedside over the next couple of weeks while the doctors performed more surgeries and ran more tests. After the first week, Nate fell into a coma. Everyone couldn't figure it out and were beginning to ask me to consider the options. I called Jem at least four times every day but I never got a response. Most of my messages were begging him to call me or at least text me. I wanted to know why he wasn't there like he said he would. And the letter he wrote. It was so beautiful but there was something that I couldn't understand. He kept referencing the past in his letter, like he knew he was going to die before I returned. When he chose to not respond, I cornered Will and forced him to tell me what was going on.

"There was a little incident after you left the manor house."

"What incident?" When Will didn't answer right away, I threaten to knee him in the groin. "What happened?"

Will told me that Jem missed a dose of his medicine and gave Agatha a bit of a scare but he was fine. But the way he said it implied there was either more to the story or he was feeding me a lie. But before I could question it, an announcement came over the intercom

"_Code Blue, Room 114. Code Blue, room one-one-four."_

"That's Nate Room!" I cried out before taking off.

When I got there, the doctors were already crowding around his bed. From what I could see, Nate was shaking violently on the bed and someone was shouting about how much blood he was losing. I felt Will come up behind me and attempt to drag me away but I held steadfast. I needed to know that he was going to be okay. Nate had to be okay. He was my big brother; he was supposed to take care of me.

"I have to call it. Time of death, 12:15 pm." The doctor called out and a sheet was placed over his body.

As they started unhooking him from the machines, I broke away from Will and ran into the room, throwing myself onto Nate's still form. I held his face within my hands and cried, not wanting to believe he was gone. The doctors were saying something but I couldn't focus on that. Everything around me was blurry and all the sounds were far away. I felt strong arms latch themselves onto my waist and pulled away, turning me into their broad chest and take me from the room.

I wasn't let go until we were out in the waiting room and away from the room Nate would no longer occupy. Thomas was the one who carried me out of the room. Will was off in the corner whispering animatedly into his phone. Thomas asked if I needed anything. I just shook my head but Will instructed him to get me some water and some space as he sat next to me. He mentioned something about charlotte but nothing about the person I wanted there. I nodded and pulled out my phone, hoping this time he would answer.

He didn't and like before I left a message.

"_Jem, it's me. Again. I'm still at the hospital and …Nate just died. I could really use you right now. I still don't understand that letter and I feel like you owe me an explanation. Just…call me back. Please? I love you."_

**AN: Another short chapter I know. This was one I cut from my outline but decided it was needed when I started writing it. **


	16. Jem's Wallowing

**AN: As a huge Jessa shipper, I couldn't kill him off but I did need you to stay on pins and needles while he was healing.**

**Chapter Sixteen – Jem's Wallowing **

_***Narrator***_

_The funeral took place on a Tuesday. It was the perfect day as that was the day he met her. Will look into the casket; the body was pestered well despite the beatings life gave it. He shed no tears as he stood next to Tessa, his arm around her shoulder as she sobbed quietly. Charlotte was there, along with her husband and their child Charles. The small child didn't understand why his mother was so upset. Just as they were lowering the casket into the ground, Will allowed a single tear to fall as he said, "Ave atque vale."_

Jem woke with a start; his t-shirt clinging to his chest from all the sweat. He'd been having that same nightmare for several weeks now, always the same. In the dream, he was there on the other side of his casket; watching his family mourns his death. His heart ached as he saw Tessa struggling to keep her tears in her eyes, Will offering silent comfort.

After he passed out in the doorway of the manor house, his last thought had been of her. As he whispered her name, he was consumed with thoughts of her and suddenly the pain subsided. It wasn't death but he was closing in on Jem. He didn't have another month. He only had minutes. This was confirmed when he returned to the city, where Doctor Enoch met them. He checked Jem's vitals and drew blood samples. He called later with the results and it was as Jem expected. Being around Tessa caused his levels to spike and his body to burn through the medicine. But even with him doubling up on the medicine, his organs were shutting down. The medicine was eating away at them. So he decided to let her go. It wasn't an easy one but one he knew was right.

Deciding to get up rather fall back into his nightmare, Jem showered and dressed but still didn't look like himself. The medicine was turning him into a shell of his former self and the heartache he was experiencing wasn't helping. Charlotte smiled as he walked into the kitchen, she and Agatha surprised at his choosing of coffee over tea.

"Has Tessa returned with you?'

Jem shook his head, mumbling something. Charlotte asked him to repeat himself to which he grumbled out, "She's still at the hospital with Nate. Just like Thomas and Will."

"is there any reason why you aren't there with them? You know she'll need you. and I'm pretty sure Will told her about your little incident."

Jem clutched the counter and shook his head once more, the pain starting back up in his heart. It always did when anyone spoke of her. "I can't be around her. I'm not strong enough to protect her and I can't be here for her." He stated.

Charlotte looked a bit confused before she realized he was still beating himself up about the incident with de Quincey. Everyone told him it wasn't his fault but he still chose to take the blame.

"What are you talking about! The thing with de Quincey wasn't your fault! You can't blame yourself that. So why aren't you there for her now? The truth this time."

Jem sighed and told her, "Because I let her go." The weight becoming too much, he sat down and clutched his head. These were his last days; he just wanted to live them in peace. And yet no one seemed to be able to understand that.

"But why? Don't you love her?" Charlotte asked, still pressing the issue.

"I did it because I love her," Jem shouted, getting fed up with everything. His reasons were his own and he didn't owe anyone an explanation. "I do love her. But Will was right. I can't give her a life she deserves. She can't stay with me; I won't even be around much longer to give her a life."

"Jem…" Charlotte started but he held up her hand and asked her to leave. When she still approached him, he began shouting at the Woman he considered his mother figure. He never felt the need to raise his voice at her before but now, now he just wanted her and everyone else out of his place and his life.

"GET OUT NOW. I WANT YOU ALL TO LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE!"

Charlotte had never seen this side of Jem before. She didn't think he was truly capable of getting angry and belligerent; violent. She and Agatha backed away as Jem started throwing pans around, breaking dishes and upturning furniture. The two women watched in horror, not knowing what else to do. they ran from the house when he finished destroying the room. From there Jem walked into his office. Where the library he but for her was. He ripped the books off the shelves, throwing them onto the floor. He tore them from their bindings and the pages from the spine. Eventually he collapsed and curled into the fetal position, crying tears of anger.

Over the next few days, Charlotte called and knocked on the door but Jem never answered. He wanted to be alone in his anger. He listened to Tessa's messages; the pain and sadness along with desperation clear in her voice. They all translated to the same thing, _I need you. _But he couldn't be there for her. She had too much going on in her life right then; Jem felt it would be unfair to add himself to it. That it would break her heart even more if she had to deal with one more loss.

The day before the funeral, Charlotte returned to collect Tessa's belongings. Tessa had been staying with Charlotte and her family until her brother's affairs was settled. That day she was returning to her old flat one last time to get something for Nate to be buried in. Charlotte, on the other hand, had had enough of Jem's wallowing. She asked her husband Henry to use his tools to break the lock.

As soon as the door was open, Charlotte gingerly stepped over the mail piling up and called out for Jem. When he didn't answer, she instructed her husband to started searching for him, checking his room first. She passed her husband on the stairwell, walking into the room Tessa use to occupy. She gathered the things she requested, taking care to pack the jewelry box up safely before returning to the foyer. Henry was there, trying to pry open the door to the office. It took some time and a little effort but Henry finally got it open.

Sitting in the midst of the wreckage was Jem, still battling his demons. Charlotte looked around at the mess and her heart instantly softened and went out to Jem. It was clear he was hurting as he destroyed a precious gift. She approached him softly; happy to see he was take some care of himself. Despite showering, his hair was unkempt and his clothes weren't the usual items he would wear.

"Tessa's been calling you."

"I know." He spoke hoarsely.

"then you know her brother dies and she's really upset about it all. And yet you choose to sit here and stay away."

Jem looked at Charlotte and she saw his eyes were full of sadness. He couldn't face Tessa right now. Not ever. "I care for her too much to ask her to sit at my side and hold my hand as I die. I'm sure that what's she did with her brother and I can't ask her to do it. It would feel like I made her fall for me only to rip my love away when I pass on. I won't do that to her, Charlotte."

The woman looked back at her husband then back to Jem. She sat on the floor next to him and held his face in her hand. "You don't know what you have found in her. In Tessa you have finally found someone who can see you better than you see yourself. She can see past the addiction and all the marks. Will and I have seen it. The way she looks at you, she is only seeing the beautiful person you are within. You need to go to her Jem."

"And say what? She probably hates me."

Charlotte let out a small chuckle at his naivety. "She's been staying with Henry and me since Nate's passing. All she does is ask about you. If I've seen you. If you're okay. Then she stopped and started making preparations."

At this Jem finally snapped his head up further to look at Henry. The man nodded and explained he was taking her to the airport the next day. "She doesn't know what else to do so she's going to New York. She's going to stay with a friend of Will's, a Magnus Bane."


	17. Jem's Goodbye

**AN: Here it is; the final chapter. : (**

**Chapter Seventeen – Jem's Goodbye **

_***Jem***_

"She's leaving?" Suddenly it hit me how foolish I'd been these past few weeks. I had pushed her away. Not out of fear but out of cowardice. In the letter, I told her that the love we shared was one so powerful that it made death seem small and nothing to be feared. Now I was pouting and hiding like a scared little boy. I needed to go to her and see her one last time. I owed her that much.

"Where is she now?" I asked Charlotte, jumping to my feet.

"She's at her flat right now. She wanted to get something for Nate to wear tomorrow. If you want you to see her, now would be the time. She's leaving right after the funeral."

I dashed upstairs and changed out of my sweats, making myself look like my former self. Thomas was there already, awaiting instructions. I decided against the drive, needing the walk to clear my head and figure out what I wanted and needed to say. Tessa had asked about me but that didn't mean she wasn't upset with me. There was so much I needed to apologize for; things she needed to hear before she left. I passed the bookstore and suddenly it was clear what I needed to say. I would tell her the truth.

As soon as I arrived at her building, I let out a small breath and ran up the stairs to her floor. But as I neared her door, my emotions deflated like a balloon several days after the party was over. The front door had been kicked off its hinges. I slowly approached, mentally kicking myself for leaving my cane at home. The entire place had been ransacked, furniture overturned and broken. There were scuff marks and dirt all over but no clue as to what had happened.

"Oh Mr. Carstairs, I was hoping you were the police." The landlord of the building, Fredrick Ashdown, called out.

"What happened here?"

He looked a little uncomfortable and wrung his hands before explaining. "The girl who used to reside here came back and asked me for the key. I let her in and returned to my place. Not a minute later did I hear this huge crash. I stayed behind my door and listened as things were thrown around. Then the noise stopped and I heard voices. They were saying something about that guy from the paper, that Quincey fellow. They were taking her to him."

I rushed back down the stairs and out the door. de Quincey's place was several blocks from here but I couldn't wait for Thomas to arrive with the car. Every second was precious. I took off running as my body was wracked with shakes. I paused and leaned against the wall of a building, catching my breath. Despite not having taken my medicine that day, I forced my body to propel on. I didn't need it to fail me, not just yet.

"Just allow me to save her. Don't fail until I save her."

When I got to de Quincey's place, I saw shadows moving behind the curtains of the second floor. I threw my shoulder into the door and ran up the steps. As I neared, I could hear de Quincey's voice and a soft whimpering from Tessa. He was threatening her with his gun, something about her brother.

"What did he tell the police! I know they were at the hospital before he passed. Marcel was there. Now tell me what he said."

I crashed through the door as de Quincey snatched her up and wrapped his arm right under her chin, the gun pressing into the side of her head. Time seemed to slow as I took in everything. Tessa, who had every right to be mad at me, was smiling; happy to see me. There were a few marks and cuts on her face from being slapped around apparently which only fueled me forward.

I felt my legs start back up and I charged towards de Quincey who threw Tessa to the side as I caught him square in his chest and threw all of my weight into him. As he went flying back, the gun went off and he was sent crashing through the window, hitting the ground. He wasn't dead but his leg did appear to be broken and blood was slowly seeping from somewhere. Sure that he wasn't going anywhere; I leaned back in and slumped down to the floor, smiling at Tessa as she came closer to me. She rushed into my arms and I winced, suddenly overcome with a sharp pain. She noticed and leaned back, looking down at the wound. When de Quincey fired the gun, the bullet lodged right under my ribs, piercing one of my organs.

"Let me go and get some help." She gasped, turning to run back towards the door. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to me. I needed her to stay here with me. I looked up and caressed her face as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes were filling up with tears as she commented on the letter.

"It was my favorite, more beautiful than any of the letters in the book."

I cracked a smiled and winced. "I meant every word."

"Please Jem, let me go get some help." She called out, looking to the window as sirens started to fill the air. They were still at a distance but close enough that she believed they would arrive in time to help me. But I told her to stay there with me, that I didn't feel any pain.

"It doesn't hurt. Having you here, I feel no pain." I told her, grabbing her hand I told her what I figured out just earlier.

"I met someone who changed everything that I thought of the world. She made me see that I was strong and deserving of love despite my addiction. I fell in love, so deeply in love with her. I gave her everything; I gave her all of me. And it was because of her love that it gave me the peace I needed to leave this world behind for the next. She gave me the strength to meet death. The strength that would allow me to say, 'No one can say that death found in me a willing comrade or that I went easily.' So for that I will love her always."

Tessa cried a bit more and I chuckled. "This is why I wanted to stay away. I didn't want any tears to stain your beautiful face."

I wiped away a few tears as I felt myself leaving my body. I could feel my soul starting to float away. I begged for one more moment, just long enough to hear her voice one last time.

_***Tessa***_

I threw myself onto Jem's body as the light left his eyes and his body went slack. I murmured, "I love you" as I heard the sirens getting closer but I wanted to stay there with him until they arrived. I stayed there; listening for the heartbeat I know was no longer there, softly weeping. A few minutes later the paramedics busted in and tried to pull me away from his body but I didn't want to leave him. The paramedics urged me to release his body and allow them to take him away. I broke free and leaned down and placed one final kiss on his lips.

And just like that his chest started rising once more. A chiming filled the air as his eyes open and Jem was mine once more.

_***Narrator***_

The paramedics were left scratching their heads but snapped into action and wheeled him towards the door. They eased him down the stairs and out the door, Tessa holding his hand the entire way. Neither of them understood what had happened as Jem had died. But after the surgery to remove the bullet from his body and he was given a blood transfusion, Doctor Enoch received his tests. There was no medical way that a person like Jem who was facing organ failures just a couple of weeks prior and now coming in with a gunshot wound to his liver who died, could be alive and well now with no health issues at all. He looked over everything but there was nothing to explain it. But at least Jem could now have the rest of his life to spend with the woman he loved.

**AN: Thank you to all who have read, favorited, followed and reviewed my work. I truly do use your reviews to not only push me forward but to fuel my writing and use your ideas and passion to make my stories that much better. The readership for this story was a small one but I don't care. I love knowing that I have written something that you enjoy. Please know that if this story only had one reader, I would have finished this story for you.**


End file.
